With your support I think I can do this

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
With your support I think I can do this
40
Wed, 01-26-2011 - 8:08pm

I'm so thankful I found you all here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Wed, 01-26-2011 - 11:54pm

Sunshine, I love your analogy that perhaps there was a fairy tale in there somewhere, but I sure wasn't

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2010
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 6:31am

WELCOME Katniss!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 7:01am

Dear Katniss,

I am sorry that I am chiming in late but Wednesday nights are the only night of the week saved for my daughter, all grown up now and living on her own, to come visit her mama. She was just leaving for college when I started my A, but still the guilt was there knowing that I was not the fabulous mom she always thought I was. I hope that if anything, you will stick to this ending for the sake of your children. With that said,

Welcome to endings. You have received many warm welcomes and even a little tough love, but that is what this board is all about. We know you are hurting right now, understandably so, but it won't always be this way if you stick to NC, come here for support, learn everything you can about how destructive and selfish affairs are, and believe in your heart that you can do this.

Affairs are not real relationships even if our emotions tell us differently. Once they end, that's it. No more catch up phone calls, no more friendship, no more nothing. The were spawned in a pool of lies and deceit, and no matter how pretty you want to make them in your mind, they were actually mental mind traps that end up holding us prisoners of our selfish desires. Embedded within them are components capable of blowing your world apart. The sooner you remove it from your life, the better your chances of having emotional, physical, spiritual, and mental recovery from the hidden destruction that has already taken place inside of you.

Keep reading, learning, probing, and opening your mind up for absorbing the reality of what really was happening to you. You are about to learn amazing insights about life, love, and self awareness. Be sure to read the Healing Library, especially the threads called, "Wisdom and Insights, part I and II." This is a long journey, but one well worth taking.

((Hugs))

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 9:39am
katniss wrote:

Some of your words brought tears to my eyes, some filled me with hope, and some weren't easy to read (yet). But most of all, it's good to know that I'm not alone.

If only I could have talked with you way back before a handsome stranger sat beside me on a plane, looked at me as if I was

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 5:37pm

Iddy - thank you for the warm welcome, and thank you for your part in bringing this community together. I have only been here a few days and already it's clear to me that you are a life-saver. Literally. The world needs more people like you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 5:56pm
Repeat to yourself OVER and OVER again ... The answer to those questions:

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

Your self worth can not, and will not be contingent or dependent on the answers to ANY OF THOSE QUESTIONS. Allowing yourself to drift off into wondering about him is taking away focus from sorting out your own stuff.

YOU shouldn't be terrified of him calling because he is to BE BLOCKED from each and EVERY avenue of contact. Seriously, as someone who has/had an xAP who was A KING FISHER, you DO NOT WANT him to make contact and YOU DO NOT want to waste any more of your life wondering why or why ...

IT DOESN'T MATTER because YOU are going to focus on YOUR REAL LIFE.

PLEASE keep reading. ALL through the healing library. Each and every emotion/thought you are feeling has been experienced before. WE have ALL felt what you are feeling, wondered the same thing and have had to make the choice to believe those ahead of us down the line. You need to take the wisdom here as the truth, trust us until you can trust yourself. YOUR thoughts are those of a junky in withdrawl.

Create NO room for failure. YOU must be strong enough. You have to be strong enough for your kids. Can you be strong enough for them? Or are you prepared to shake their world upside down like the contents of a snow globe.

Are the answers to your question worth that?

If the answer is NO.

Then again ... the answer to any question about him is IT DOESN'T matter.

Much Love,

TU.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-13-2010
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 5:59pm
Hi Katniss and welcome. I understand how you are feeling today and want you to know it does get better. I have been NC for just over 2 months and I see things so much clearer now. I want to ask if you have blocked your xap from your phone and email? Those two things have given me so much FREEDOM as I don't know whether he has tried to contact me or not. No more wondering, no more waiting for the phone to buzz. Please do this for yourself and take away all the opportunity for him to contact you. This is the kindest thing you can do for him and his family too. Day 5 tomorrow, you can do this! Hugs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 6:02pm

Garfy - it's lovely to meet you. Everything you say about a knight in shining armour is so true. And all that time, the real knight I met when I was 16 was right there at home, waiting for me with patience and loyalty. You've been NC since October? Wow.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 6:14pm

Thanks for holding me accountable. I have just done what you suggested and blocked his email and deleted him from my phone. Unfortunately my work phone doesn't have caller ID and I have no way of blocking calls. I guess I'll just deal with that if/when it happens.

I hate the fact that his last words were "I can't believe you can be so heartless". But perhaps that's the way it has to be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 6:18pm

Thanks TU. My new mantra for the day "It doesn't matter". Right now, I really don't believe it. But perhaps I can fake it til I make it.