With your support I think I can do this

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
With your support I think I can do this
40
Wed, 01-26-2011 - 8:08pm

I'm so thankful I found you all here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 6:36pm

((Katniss))

TU is spot on. You are going to read this a lot around here. Your self worth is NOT predicated on anything XAP thinks, feels, does, or doesn't do. This journey is going to be all about you now. And 4 days of NC is a great start. I was typing to you to block him ASAP when I had to go turn off the stove. When I came back, you had already taken the advice of others and did this already. YAY, you! Remember, NC is not a punishment but a gift we give to ourselves so we can heal from the massive emotional destruction of our A.

Good mantra! " IT DOESN'T MATTER! " .....and one day you'll see just how true this is.

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2004
Thu, 01-27-2011 - 7:26pm

Hi Katniss,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2010
Fri, 01-28-2011 - 2:41pm

Day 4 of NC and the stupidest questions are spinning round in my head. Why hasn't he called? Has he found someone else already? Did I really mean so little to him that he would just let me walk away? And at the same time, I am terrified that he will call. That he'll say all the wonderful things that make it all seem OK again. That I won't be strong enough to say "no".

Any advice welcome!

katniss,

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 6:47pm

Garfy, Thank you so much. What a wonderful fable. I will print it and pin it on the wall above my desk. I want you to know how much it meant to me last week to have your support, and for me to know that your marriage has not only survived but been strengthened.

Over the weekend, I immersed myself in small acts of love for the people around me. And somehow,

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2010
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 7:44pm
Katniss - your heart is pure and full of so much love...I have no doubt you will be able to get through this. Just make sure you use some of that love on yourself in the next couple of weeks. Welcome to EAS - you will be surrounded by support; cheerleaders to inspire you and reality checks/tough love when you need it. :). Hugs.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 8:42pm

Thank you Cait. I am

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2009
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 9:21pm
Good for you! This place has kept me from taking an inappropriate, in the edge, emotional connection to a full blown physical affair. Keep reading and any delusions of romance will be GONE.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2009
Sun, 01-30-2011 - 9:50pm
Also, if you asked him not to contact you ever again and he respects your wishes....that's the nicest thing he has ever done for you and your family as well as his own.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-24-2011
Mon, 01-31-2011 - 12:32am

Yes, he has respected my wishes. And one day I will hopefully have the perspective to be grateful for that.

I have also realised that relying on my flawed willpower alone to maintain NC is unrealistic. So I

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2010
Mon, 01-31-2011 - 2:52am

Welcome Katniss,

You CAN do this!!

K my XAP was wonderful, kind and charming too, well he was, up until the very last point of contact where he refused to accept that I would not get back with him, but i don't hold that against him, I know emotions can bring that bad side out of us.

We thought we were in love with each other, in essence what we were, was in love with THE FEELINGS that affairs produce. I found the below post on the After the Affair forum on iVillage, for the life of me i do not recall who posted this and i apologise in advance for not giving credit to that poster, I got something out of it hope you do too.

Sweetie, the ONLY thing he has for you are feelings.