Yucky Blech Ugh Day!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Yucky Blech Ugh Day!
4
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 4:42pm
Ok - so I've been thinking...why am I having such a hard time letting go? Not to sound like a snot, but I am young, beautiful, smart, talented. I have a great home, great family, friends, a husband who adores me...so how did I get caught up in this stupid A? And now that it's over, why I can't I just walk away? Why am I still searching for answers? XOM and I were only together for 4 months - I should be able to dust myself off and move on with my life. I should be thankful it ended when it did. I should kiss the ground that my H did not find out.

But am I doing any of that??? NOPE! Here I sit - wondering why he called me from California (which was saturday by the way - it has now consumed my entire week). Wondering if he is going to come to my show next week. Wondering if he is going to call me tomorrow or Friday and want to see me before his last day at work. Wondering and stressing is all I seem to do lately. IT SUCKS! I hate it. I use to be the one in control - he was the one calling me and telling me how much he loves me and how he can't wait to see me. Since he ended it...even before he ended it - when he started to pull away - I turned into this needy, clingy, whiney mess!!! It's awful!

There are so many unanswered question that are running through my mind. I know I haven't been able to make a clean break of things...but honestly, neither has he. Part of me truly misses him and the other part of me just wants him to disappear (maybe off the edge of a cliff...)!!

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 5:00pm
I know what you mean. I can give really good advice but I can't do it myself. You should walk away proud and hold your head up high. He did contact (granted if it was just a booty call). I know he was out of town but you can get alot of ego boosting over the phone. Don't let him suck you in when he wants to or when he is out drinking. You have to step away from the picture and really look at everything. I think the XOM is just as guilty for feeling the way you do. Men have different ways of letting things go. Just like my husband said one time about a similar situation of one of our friends. Men will only tolerate so much so then they just get focused on something else and basically push those feelings aside. Men do not like to feel they are being jerked around and will do anything to gain control again - even if it hurts them too and not what they wanted. Your XOM is probably hurt too. You said you are married and he is not. You have someone to come home to every night and he has nobody. That right there would make anybody jealous and upset and not want to talk to you. Just think if the shoe was on the other foot and you were single and he was married. Wouldn't you hate knowing he has someone in his life other than you. Just a thought. I am just trying to make you feel better and more in control than you think you are bc you are in control, seriously.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2004
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 5:27pm
"Wondering and stressing is all I seem to do lately. IT SUCKS! I hate it. I use to be the one in control - he was the one calling me and telling me how much he loves me and how he can't wait to see me. Since he ended it...even before he ended it - when he started to pull away - I turned into this needy, clingy, whiney mess!!! It's awful!"

Yes, yes, yes! I am having the same kind of day.

I'm missing him so much today, and that makes me so angry with myself. I'm such an independent-minded person. I willingly let this man take control of my emotions and it's still driving me crazy. I fell head-over-heels for someone I could never have.

Thanks for your post. I'm always glad to hear that I'm not the only one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-05-2004
Wed, 10-27-2004 - 8:10pm
Thanks so much for your replies. Sometimes you just need that little added ego boost. I hate the fact that XOM told me he was "over" our relationship, doesn't still love me, doesn't miss me, etc - and then CALLS ME! Even if it is when it's late, or he's drunk, or he just wants to get laid - whatever the reason, it just brings up all these old feelings and issues. I want to know that he still thinks about me and misses what we had. Right or wrong, I think we all sometimes just want that validation...

Diva

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-03-2004
Thu, 10-28-2004 - 8:49am
I definitely know what you are saying there...you really do want to know that its not a walk in the park for them.. Just to know that you are crossing their minds and they are thinking about you and missing you too is reassuring, for what reason...who knows but it definitely is...