Affair just ended :-(

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-12-2011
Affair just ended :-(
7
Fri, 08-12-2011 - 10:05am

Hello folks, I'm new here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2011
Fri, 08-12-2011 - 11:26am
Thank you for sharing your story, I'm sure it I as painful to read back as it was to write. Good for you for deciding not to wait for him to decide the outcome of your relationship. Sounds like hecwould have put a bit of time and space in there and then pick up where he left off with you. You've decided that door is now closed. I'm a MW but as you are single this is a great opportunity for you to take accountability, learn from it and find someone that can truly love and treat you as you deserve. My A was only a few months as well but it will take you longer to recover. Keep reading and posting here and you'll get the resources and support you need to recover from this trauma. Keep your chin up, you will survive this as long as you maintain NC and go day by day!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-17-2011
Sun, 08-14-2011 - 9:34pm
Tkirk - I'm so sorry that you are experiencing this dday and deceit - getting out of an A is a hard road - There are lost of good information down in our healing library - and I know more would love to know about you - but your post down here may be overlooked - consider reposting your story up in the general discussions so more will be able to weigh in!

An A is definitely an addiction - and breaking the cycle is tough and emotional - post often, read read and read some more - write, go to T and reclaim your life! Much love,
Lolly
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2011
Tue, 08-16-2011 - 2:55pm

The first step in

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2011
Sun, 08-28-2011 - 10:38pm

I HAVE BEEN HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH A MARRIED MAN AND I AM ALSO MARRIEND WE HAVE TRIED TO END IT SEVERAL TIMES BUT IT HASN'T WORKED IT KILLS ME BC I LOVE THIS MAN LIKE NO OTHER WE BOTH HAVE BEEN IN MARRIAGES WITH NO INTIMACY OR CONNECTION WITH OUR SPOUSE THE BAD THING IS IS WE WORK WITH ONE ANOTHER DAILY SO WE SEE EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME AND THAT IS HARD

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-24-2011
Mon, 08-29-2011 - 1:02am
Angel, do you really want to end it? It sounds like your on the fence about it. Can the problems in your marriage be fixed or is it hopeless? An A makes it so that you can't see your real life straight anymore...
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2011
Sat, 10-08-2011 - 3:23am
If an affair partner does not leave his/her marriage in the first few weeks, the chances that s/he will do so are very very small. I think you are setting yourself up for more heartbreak. Imagine if it is bad now, how you will feel being the single OW to this man. It is not possible for you to deal with your marriage on its own terms while you still have hope of something with this man. I have been that man. Please realize that whatever he says to you, his feelings are complicated and he may prefer the safety of his known life to giving it all up for the unknown. That is the harsh reality.
If you do end your marriage, I would say please wait until your feelings about AP have subsided (for which you would have to go NC for a considerable amount of time). This way, you will be able to think more clearly about whether your M can be salvaged through counseling or not. I've discovered the hard way that if we put only a tenth of the effort into our marriages that we put into our affairs, our marriages would flourish.
Or if you are absolutely sure your M is over (and was even before the affair) and you don't want to wait, at least give your AP a deadline and then stick to it.
I sympathize with what you are going through and wish
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-22-2011
Sat, 10-08-2011 - 3:28am
I am so sorry you had to go through this, but imagine what would have happened if things had "worked out" between you and him! You would have been that spouse! Consider this an incredible stroke of luck that saved you a lifetime of misery.
You're doing all the right things. Of course you will be crawling the walls now. Just see the NC through. The therapist idea is great. The fact that you yourself realized your rebound pattern is a great step forward and your therapist I'm sure will help you with that. Once you understand that, it will be easier for you to break that pattern, which just means waiting a while until you are accepting of yourself and the situation and are not desperate for just any guy, and at that point you'll be ready to meet someone again. It doesn't have to take long, and you can use that time to reconnect with friends, do the things you never had time to do before because of the time relationships take (especially affairs) etc. The very best of luck, and please tell yourself you deserve more and don't settle.