All the single ladies

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
All the single ladies
2
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 11:08am
Yes...now you will have that song stuck in your head for the rest of the day ;)
Ahem...anyway! I think I've mentioned a few times in passing that I feel a bit 'out of place' (but, you know, not really since there are so many similarities across all of the As) in that for the most part it seems as though folks here (at least at the moment) are M themselves, involved with (x)MM. I wonder if there were any other single ladies out there? I sometimes wonder if there is a different dynamic or power relationship that we have to work through? I have some thoughts on that...but, figured I would let others share first. Well, that and I need some food in me or I'll just ramble more than I usually do ;)
((Hugs!))
----
'It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
We have come to our real work,
And that when we no longer know which way to go,
We have begun our real journey'
- Wendell Berry

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 12:01pm

Our past 2 CLs were single , and I am friends with both of them off the board. I think the single gals have/had difficulty relating to many of the posts from the M ladies due to so much mentioning of their H's, and found them hard to read at times. Because we are single, it *is* a different road to travel once we end an A, but by no means any easier. The same pain, remorse, guilt, and wounds apply.

I would hate to lose you as a poster, but in all fairness to your situation, I would like to suggest another board that got me through some really tough times as a SXOW. It is only for single gals although some M women do post on it, but they are not allowed to talk about their M at all. They can only post about their ending, or struggles with trying to end it. What I don't like about this board is the over abundance of sympathy and hand holding that goes on. There are very few tough love posts, and those who used to be in that camp have all since left. Maybe there are a few oldtimers stills around, but like here, they get better and move on.

Here is the link:

http://gloryb.com/forum/cgi/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=forum&f=2&DaysPrune=30&submit=Go

I found this site several years ago and read it in addition to EAS. You can go there now and lurk to see if you like it. The only problem is that it takes a couple of weeks before your registration is approved. That frustrated me but I waited it out. I needed all the help and strength I could find to maintain my resolve.

((Hugs))

~ Iddy~

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2010
Mon, 02-22-2010 - 4:04pm

Thank you Iddy!

I'll go lurk for a bit and see what I think, then perhaps I'll join if I feel as though it will be helpful.
For the most part I get what I need between my own abilities of self-reflection, the board here and the support of my family and close friends who know about what happened.
It's true though, in a lot of ways I don't feel like I can relate to the MW here, and that's no knock against them and their situation at all - it's just different. I think the most difficult part of it is, I'm getting a lot of potential insight/glimpses into xMM and what he might or has been going through (in general that is), or his logic for having the A in the first place. It's really not something that is helpful to dwell on, because it's not what matters anymore, so I think that part is tough because it isn't difficult to be reminded or put into that head-space sometimes as I read posts here. That doesn't mean that I think the ladies here are 100% like xMM, but there are commonalities, most notably the thread discussing past relationships with family and need for validation, since from what I recall of him telling me of that time in his life he could have written any one of those posts. Also, reading about the MW's H's here can be a bit difficult, but it's more along the lines of empathizing and knowing that is another level of pain and things to deal with. Yes, it can 'sting' a bit when someone has a lovely H who would do anything, but at the same time I'm happy for them (because hey, why not?!) and it doesn't make me feel 'lonely' because I know all too well that one can be in an R and still feel alone! Besides, I've had good R's in the past, and down the road I'll have another (or a few more, I am still pretty young). So, it doesn't make me uncomfortable in the sense that it 'throws in my face' how 'alone' I am (because, hey, I'm not really alone at all!). And despite having had some food, I've still rambled a bit ;)
So, while I can't relate 100% to the MW here and the xMM and H's they are dealing with, there is still a lot of similarities and we're all feeling a lot of the same pain. So, with that in mind - you sure won't lose me as a poster! Even if I float back and forth between here and the other forum, I doubt I'd just 'forget' about here. Too much good stuff, support, and people!
Thank you though for sharing the link/site with me. I'll go have a look-see!
((hugs))

----
'It may be that when we no longer know what to do,
We have come to our real work,
And that when we no longer know which way to go,
We have begun our real journey'
- Wendell Berry