Am i as disgusting as he claims...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2010
Am i as disgusting as he claims...
3
Fri, 05-07-2010 - 7:42pm

I need some feedback. My A with a MM has been going on for over 2 years. It ended with heartbreak last week. I had spent the week with him

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Fri, 05-07-2010 - 8:11pm

"He stated he was owed the truth,So he could make the decision to stay with me. He stated we were in a relationship and thus owed the decency to know if i was with someone else. Yet he goes home to his wife to make love the same week i am with him. But that is OK because i know about it and accepted it"

WTF???? How dare he say this. But then again, this is A land where anything goes, there are no rules, no expectations to be had 'cause they ain't gonna be fulfilled by APs.

I am sorry to hear that you are hurting, and welcome to our board. He sounds like an incredible jerk, and darn right - you could do whatever you wanted with whomever you wanted. He doesn't own you. You were not his property. Give me a break. His tiny little ego took a big hit because his lady in waiting wasn't waiting. Time to forget about what he thinks about you. You're not disgusting, but our behaviours in As are/were. You are not your actions, but time to take responsibility for them (which it sounds like you have), leave the carnage behind and figure out how the heck you got yourself in this position.

Keep looking forward informed by the past. And please keep posting and reading,

(((Hugs)))

Tu.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010
LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
Fri, 05-07-2010 - 8:12pm

Hey and welcome, I just couldn't help it but laugh reading your post. Hypocrisy of those MM is astonishing. It's perfectly ok for them to go back home after the most passionate date with you to their unsuspecting wives, and to take long vacation with them not calling you for weeks (you know, they CAN'T!) but God forbid you'd do the same and get yourselve some fun in life - then you're despicable person not worthy of their trust. Um, what trust are we talking about here??

Listen, you sound like totally sane person, I can tell it from your post. Cut him lose. Let him pout, he deserves it for the jerk that he is. Who cares what he thinks - he's married, he's noone to you, and you owe him nothing.

Welcome to endings! Life is grand and is so much more than those pitiful MM could ever imagine.

XOXO
Gone

**Bloodied but unbowed**
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2010
Fri, 05-07-2010 - 8:35pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2010
Fri, 05-07-2010 - 8:50pm

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2009
Fri, 05-07-2010 - 9:07pm

LF2,


He lashed out at you because he was angry and hurt. Anger is just an easier emotion to deal with. Dont feel sorry for him though, he was ticked that you actually DO have a life outside of him. What a immature self centered jerk. But like TSU said, its A land and anything goes.


Remain strong. Trust me, he is struggling right now. This was a slap in the face that your attention, priorities and thoughts were not focused soley on him and he just cant stand that.


Keep nc, live for YOU and your kids.


GMLB

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2010
Fri, 05-07-2010 - 9:28pm

GMLB


Thanks for the insight. He was hurt. However, did i create more hurt by not telling him the truth up front? I told him i thought it was going to hurt no matter when i told him?


I'm really more concerned about my actions. What do you

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2009
Fri, 05-07-2010 - 9:53pm

"Anything goes in affair land" means that it's not a "real" relationship out in the open and general rules of "normal" relationship do not apply - there is no commitment, no trust, no expectations whatsoever, and so on. A lot of things that you take for granted in any relationship simply do not apply to affairs.

**Bloodied but unbowed**
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Fri, 05-07-2010 - 9:54pm

Hello again,

In affair land - well black is white, while is black, up is down and down is up. Love is hate, security in lies, friendship means being a secret, dedication within boundaries, perpetual hurt that sends you back in looking for more, loyalty in an unloyal space, trust that requires manipulation of all our significant 'others', our family and friends and children become obstacles in our way ...

you get the picture. in affair land, you lose your mind. there is no order, no security, no home base. because there are no rules. you gotta break all the rules to be in the affair, so once in the affair how can you expect any rules of a relationship, of a healthy relationship, to apply?

LC/NC since April 14, 2010
LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2009
Sat, 05-08-2010 - 5:20am

TSU and Gone summed it up perfectly. The only ground rules in an A are that there are no ground rules. You live your life on egg shells, nothing else matters in life but XMM and every interaction with him.


Your best bet next week is to remain strong within his presence. Dont let him see you sweat, dont crack, dont let it get personal. If you do have to have an interaction with him hold you head up high and be positive. Fake it if you have to but dont let him get the best to you. If for some reason he brings it up and asks about things tell him you are so glad the lies are over and that you feel like a burden has been lifted. Take control of any interaction with him, YOU take that control, dont give it to him.


You are worth more LF2 and once the A fog clears you will see how much you lowered your standards for him, how much you gave to him while getting so little in return. Remain here on EAS, just do your best to remain strong in his presence, if you have to be weak, be weak here.


GMLB

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-07-2010
Sat, 05-08-2010 - 7:44am

Good

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