having control

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2003
having control
3
Mon, 09-22-2003 - 8:02pm
this roller coaster ride is such a control game....And I love it when I'm in control:)

Unfortunately, I end up out of control:(

I have to admit that I was with MM saturday night (and a group of friends). It was such a game.....It was all about ME and what I could get. And I got what I wanted (be careful what you wish for, eh?!) He was putty in my hands and it made me feel good.

How terrible is that!!?? Afterwards, I knew it was the last time - although, I know you all have said the same thing many times;) it's the first time I've felt this. When I joined this board 2 weeks ago, and admitted my A, I knew I still wanted him. But, I guess that is part of the process of grieving a loss. I was definitely out of denial but in the bargaining stage. He loves attention and if I don't give it he goes nuts! And he did!

Today I'm feeling angry at him and it feels good, well partly. The other half of me is so disgusted I don't know who I'm more angry at..him or me?!

Well, thanks for listening. I hope I'm not back tomorrow crying my eyes out, but wouldn't be surprised.

NC starting over...Day 1.

Still Lost....but finding my way

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2003
Tue, 09-23-2003 - 8:57am
the day is starting off GOOD! No tears here.....I like my angry place;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2003
Thu, 09-25-2003 - 1:05pm
Feeling for you.... just wanted you to know you're not alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2003
Thu, 09-25-2003 - 1:09pm
thank you!!! I'm doing better today. Just taking one day at a time.