Please HIT me

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2010
Please HIT me
2
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 5:17pm

My AP is away for a week with her family. She texts me when she feels like it. I have taken to turning off my phone to stop me wondering.


Isn't this pointless? Wiating for crumbs to be thrown from her table? And then when i am away with my family next week and she is home, the positions will be reversed.


It's just a ridiculous situation and to think that we both risk so much for so many texts ( that is what 80% of our relationship consists of).


Can someone please hit me with large piece of wood and while you are at it, offer any help on dealing with the obsessive thoughts about her. Will anti-depressants help?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2009
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 5:51pm

RP,


Just wanted to let you know that the weekends are really slow around here, so not too many responses will be forthcoming until Monday gets here. With that said, are you getting closer to making the decision to end your A? This would mean not only ignoring her texts, but blocking her so no texts get through. Turning off you phone deprives you from getting calls that could be important, and how would you feel if your W or a

   ~Iddy~ 


iVillage Member
Registered: 08-21-2010
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 6:05pm

Thanks Iddy,


Should i post on a different part until I have actually ended it on a NC basis?


And i presume people end it by e-mail or text,not face to face from what i have read.....?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2010
Sat, 08-21-2010 - 6:34pm

Hi RP,

You just end it - preferably by text or email, or say nothing at all. Whatever, just end it. No face to face meeting, and NONE of the following are be included: "for now" ... "I will love & miss you forever", "maybe in time" ... you have to SHUT the door forever. Don't leave false hopes and expectations. No more lies, no more crumb eating, no more robbing one another of a real life. You care about her? You can about your wife? Then, for goodness sakes, end this now. You can't unlearn the insights of this board - you can choose to ignore all the wisdom here, or you can begin the inevitable climb out of the dark hole you have dug NOW. Don't be a fool and ruin your life when you have the opportunity to get yourself right and not drag so many innocent people under the water with you.

Seriously, what are you waiting for?

TU.

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou

LC/NC since April 14, 2010

"I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it."
— Maya Angelou
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Sun, 08-22-2010 - 3:16am

Hi Rob,


I have read your posts with interest. Like you I want to end my A, and have wanted this for a while now, I just cant seem to do it. But, having said that, I read EAS every day and I have gained SO much insight from these girls (and boys) and their stories. I also read the healing library regularly and I am absolutely sure that this A has to end- for my own sanity and my family. I am ashamed at my behaviour, and while I have feeling for my AP, they are nothing compared to my feelings for my H and children.


I have given a lot of thought to how I end the A. I thought about - A. letting it fizzle, B. disappearing and C. actually telling him its finished.

You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2008
Tue, 08-24-2010 - 12:34pm

Hi Rob and welcome.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Sun, 09-12-2010 - 9:20pm

Hello,

Your A struck a cord. My A was about the same amount of texting. It was most of what we had and I lived for them, can you say on average of about 50 a day. They were exhilarating, and yet I never felt so on edge because I was sure I was going to get caught. It was such an addictive yo-yo.

The BEST BEST BEST advice I ever received off this board from several members was to BLOCK and walk, and in this case, BLOCKING is so important. Most cell phone carriers allow you to do this, and though you may have to reblock every few months, it is so worth it.

I no longer live in fear of my phone going off from a text from xAP. I stopped worrying about missing a text, or putting my life ON HOLD waiting to hear from him.

I am now living in the moment, living for today and focusing on me and my family. Do yourself a favor....block her, just do it. I know its really hard in the beginning, but once you do it, it will get easier. Promise.

MovingON

MovingON

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2010
Thu, 10-07-2010 - 5:20am

Lots of good advice from people who have been there, and what do I know, having broken it off once, maintained NC for 2 weeks and then broken NC! But I have been where you are not so long ago (just coming to the end of one week NC