To tell or not to tell is the question....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2009
To tell or not to tell is the question....
Sat, 03-17-2012 - 9:07am

I was hoping that Andy's thread would inspire someone to start a discussion down here re whether one should or should not tell their spouse they had an A. I know that some of you had no choice due to discovery, but for those of you who have managed to get past your A without disclosure, perhaps you would like to tell the readers how and why you chose this path, and how it is working for you. Then there are some of you who have come clean to your spouse, and I would like to hear the pros and cons of this decision. I don't want this to turn into a debate, but rather a mature exchange of opinions.

I was single and never had to face this decision, although I did eventually tell my adult children. They had already sensed my fondness for XAP, so I felt I owned them the truth.

Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. ~ Buddha


Avatar for wClarity
Community Leader
Registered: 11-04-2012
Tue, 11-20-2012 - 12:27am

Hi Thomas

I think I remember you from the Allsides of the Affair Debate Board...I use to hang there a lot about five years or so ago. I think we had a special and fun group frequenting that Board back then.

I'm uncomfortable even having to say this, but feel I must do so just to keep this Board safe and comfortable for posters.  I'm not sure if it is actually against TOS, or just considered inappropriate, for betrayed spouses to post here...just has it would be inappropriate for wayward spouses or single other women/men to post on the Betrayed Spouses Support Board.  I'm sure you can understand that.

At the same time, it is good to hear your perspective borne out of your experience on this, I would also like to say thank you for providing this perspective as food for thought for others.

I hope all else in your life is going well.  



Community Leader,

Ending an Affair Support Board