The truth

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2010
The truth
8
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 9:21am

I am cruising through some of the boards this morning reading some things that sound "oh so familiar". The truth is, I used to spend every Sunday morning logged in on an IM site waiting for the MM to get on so that we could chat a while. First thing I would do every morning was check my email to see if he sent me anything. I thought about him ALL THE TIME. Now, I will be getting ready to go to church shortly, then I will be spending the afternoon with some of my kids and grand kids. I started doing these things again after I ended the A. I am actually living my life again and not just existing in the dreadful world of the OW. The truth is that he is not even aware that I made the decision on September 1st to end this thing once and for all. I blocked him on IM and on Email, and on the phones.I don't have a clue whether he has tried to contact me since then. He left my house on 9/1/10 and I just made up my mind to end it. I only heard from him once by phone the next night, he called to say he wasn't coming over, then a couple of emails saying he'd call. Never did. Just what I expected. I was so tired of the crap. He was in town all week. Historically, every time he wanted to get together would call and text and email hundreds of times to tell me how much he wanted to see me. It always ended up being 2 hours, if that...then I didn't see him anymore. LIES...LIES...LIES. I had blocked him numerous times throughout the A and I just kept going back and un-blocking all of it because I just KNEW he was going to get in touch with me again. The reason I kept going back was because I thought that he loved me, even though he would never say it, I believed it in my own mind. HA HA HA. The truth is, we can convince ourselves of all kinds of crazy things about the MM. I spent 24 hours a day, 8,760 hours a year, for 13 years, expecting things to change between us, believing that he would one day be with me forever, not just a couple of hours 2-3 times a year.
The truth is that if he had loved me:
He would have been with me, not married to someone else.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2010
In reply to: dovebusted
Sun, 09-19-2010 - 9:33am

Dove,

Congrats on your truth. You are right. Isn't it amazing the things we realize we have given up in the name of "love". Here's to reconnecting to family, to self, to truth - may it always be so.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
In reply to: dovebusted
Sun, 10-10-2010 - 7:11pm

I have read your message several times Dovebusted and it has helped me so much. I want to be in a position again where i am enjoying my life again, not constantly waiting for and checking my emails or phone. I've had so many sleepless nights and even ruined holidays for that -- and for what?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2010
In reply to: dovebusted
Sun, 10-10-2010 - 9:00pm

SS...

I am not regretting for a second making the decision to end the A. I have more confidence in myself and feel so much more at ease. I actually feel like a person again and I am doing alot of positive and good things now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2006
In reply to: dovebusted
Tue, 10-12-2010 - 10:50am
One thing I learned thru thisaffair is that actions, not words are first and foremost. I wouldn't believe what he said about their sex life. They tell us bad things about their spouse so that we will feel sorry for them and try to makeup for them what they are not getting at home. It's usually bullcrap. Actually it's manipulation. Affairs usually feed the ego, sexual gratification is secondary.

I'm so glad you took back your life. This is the best outcome of any affair.
Onward and upward.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2010
In reply to: dovebusted
Tue, 10-12-2010 - 3:54pm

It's so good to hear about your confidence and freedom now. All the lies did sound very painful and it's great you can see the light with a clear head.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2010
In reply to: dovebusted
Wed, 10-13-2010 - 12:23am

I love the strength and confidence with which you write, dovebusted. This is exactly the sort of thing I need to hear on those days when I start wavering and blaming myself for the A going sour. Hope that NC flag is still flying high and proud!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-14-2010
In reply to: dovebusted
Wed, 10-13-2010 - 6:26pm

Browndress...

Everyday that passes is one more day that I rejoice in my freedom from the A. I am finally out of the biggest mess I have ever let myself get into. I am proud to say that there has been NC since the last email on 9/3. He has tried to contact me but I did not respond. I do not want to hurt anymore. I do not want to be anyone's fool, convenience, or option!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2010
In reply to: dovebusted
Wed, 10-20-2010 - 7:26am

Dove- your post is so encouraging. I am so glad you have realized that actions speak louder than words and made a choice for YOU to free yourself from that. It always comes down to choice. Keep up the good work. Stay strong. Invest in you and real life.

Jane

Jane
NC/LC since January 28, 2010
http://secretlifeofjane.wordpress.com/