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|Sun, 09-19-2010 - 9:21am|
I am cruising through some of the boards this morning reading some things that sound "oh so familiar". The truth is, I used to spend every Sunday morning logged in on an IM site waiting for the MM to get on so that we could chat a while. First thing I would do every morning was check my email to see if he sent me anything. I thought about him ALL THE TIME. Now, I will be getting ready to go to church shortly, then I will be spending the afternoon with some of my kids and grand kids. I started doing these things again after I ended the A. I am actually living my life again and not just existing in the dreadful world of the OW. The truth is that he is not even aware that I made the decision on September 1st to end this thing once and for all. I blocked him on IM and on Email, and on the phones.I don't have a clue whether he has tried to contact me since then. He left my house on 9/1/10 and I just made up my mind to end it. I only heard from him once by phone the next night, he called to say he wasn't coming over, then a couple of emails saying he'd call. Never did. Just what I expected. I was so tired of the crap. He was in town all week. Historically, every time he wanted to get together would call and text and email hundreds of times to tell me how much he wanted to see me. It always ended up being 2 hours, if that...then I didn't see him anymore. LIES...LIES...LIES. I had blocked him numerous times throughout the A and I just kept going back and un-blocking all of it because I just KNEW he was going to get in touch with me again. The reason I kept going back was because I thought that he loved me, even though he would never say it, I believed it in my own mind. HA HA HA. The truth is, we can convince ourselves of all kinds of crazy things about the MM. I spent 24 hours a day, 8,760 hours a year, for 13 years, expecting things to change between us, believing that he would one day be with me forever, not just a couple of hours 2-3 times a year.
The truth is that if he had loved me:
He would have been with me, not married to someone else.