Understanding your Core Values in Relationships (this is the one Im going to start the thread from)

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Registered: 10-14-2010
Understanding your Core Values in Relationships (this is the one Im going to start the thread from)
2
Wed, 11-03-2010 - 1:30pm
Understanding your core values in relationships (no they’re not your common interests)

by NML on April 30, 2010

Thanks for visiting my blog! Have you checked out my workshops & ebooks?

One of the things that people are most confused about and that I get asked a lot of questions about, is the issue of ‘common interests’ and letting superficial things inadvertently get mixed in with your ‘core’ values. Over the past few days I’ve been talking about value and values in relationships, and in this post, I put a clear division between the nice to have stuff that doesn’t actually cause your relationship to endure unless you have the ‘core’ values covered off.

Values are about what you need in order to live your life authentically so that you can be happy and feel good. These are about your firmly held beliefs about what makes you a person of value and also what you see as valuable in others.

Your values are based on your experiences in life and will impact on everything from who you are attracted to, your political leanings, your tastes, things you do in your spare time or that you have interests in, your religious and social interactions, where you want to live, what you’re passionate about, and more.

Values work in tandem with your boundaries which are your personal guideline of what you are prepared to accept in your relationships and from people, and are tied to your values, so if you have one, you have the other, and where you have little or no boundaries, your values, will exist, but are likely to be focused on more superficial, insubstantial values that don’t make a positive impact on your life.

Values (and boundaries) allow you to know what is good and bad, and right and wrong about life, both in terms of morals and how you feel about everything around you.

If you don’t have them, how will you know if you’re acting in your own best interests?

How will you know if something feels right?

How will you know if something feels wrong?

How will you know when you need to step back and take action that may involve opting out?

How can you stay you, if you don’t have your core values, the fundamental, absolutely necessary things that help to determine your sense of self and help you feel good and enjoy the good in life?

How can you respect yourself if you’re quick to abandon your values to adopt someone else’s?


Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2010

ohhh sure sure sure - the reason I posted it here - was I wanted to read it have us other singler's read it - then start that thread on what we're looking for in a single guy.

Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart... Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens. I started looking inside and went NC October 15, 2010
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2010

request: can we move this great thread to the general discussion section?

I think taking inventory of all relationships and evaluating them for their capacity to support/sabbatoge our core values is important.

I think there are posters here who are in marital relationships where CORE values are being compromised through denial, minimization of their importance or blame etc ....

so it is a relevant thread for all of us (-:

kwim?