The 1%

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
The 1%
4
Fri, 07-27-2012 - 4:10am

While I think that most affairs will not lead to marriage, I get annoyed when I see the old 1% statistic being thrown around.  Does anyone actually ever STOP and think about what that number means?  And how unlikely it is that that number is correct?  First off, where did that stat come from?  How accurate was the study?  When was it done?  Where was it done?  How large was the sample?

Second,  how many Ms begin with an A that nobody ever knows about?  How many people begin in A, leave their Ms quietly, then get together after a period of time that does not incite suspicion?  

Third, what percentage of normal dating relationships lead to marriage?  It doesn't seem like that number would be very high either, because most people have to date quite a few people during their lifetime to find the one they want to marry.  I now some people only date one person their whole life, but if you include ALL dates (casual dates, study dates, blind dates), I'm sure many single people at least 50 people before they settle down.  And that means in those cases, regular old dating only leads to M 2% of the time!  How do we know if the number is significant if we don't have something to compare it to?

Last, while it is obvious that As have many inherent problems that will lead them to be less successful that other Rs, it just seems if you look in your own life, that 1% statistic is not realistic.  My sister married her AP.  My brother-in-law married his AP.  I know of several people who married their APs after ending their Ms.  How many more do I not know about?

I just wish people would stop using that dumb statistic.   And anyone who reads my posts KNOWS I'm not an optimist about the success rates of As, but I think that number is wrong, and I'm curious how anyone who just looks around can believe it is accurate.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2012
In reply to: janejosie
Sun, 07-29-2012 - 1:09pm
Do you know my husband, and I almost forget it these days is a man I had an affair with 13 years ago. He was married, I had been separated from my ex husband for 2 years and had a young son. My now husband had been unhappy in his marriage...I know it sounds like the cliches start here! we knew each other at work a little, I left that workplace and Infact moved to a different country. A few months later my now H was visiting that country and said maybe we could meet for lunch, we did, lunch turned into dinner & at the end of the evening he asked "if I was single would you go out with me". My answer lead him to go back to his wife and tell her their marriage was over, 3 years of a long distance relationship he eventually left his country to come and live with me in mine.

Compare this with my affair I had last/this year. It continued for a year, all sorts of bs reasons why we couldn't be together according to him, but he strung it out long enough to get what he wanted etc.

So affairs do lead to relationships but I would say if they haven't left in 3-4 months they never will, and if they're comfortable at cheating after that amount of time they'll quite probably carry on.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2009
In reply to: lannmann
Sun, 07-29-2012 - 2:32pm
77loopy wrote:

AP and I have been in our A for 5 years now.  He finally left his M 1 year ago.  I am still married.  Both of us were in long term marriages.  Mine for 28 years. His for 27 years. I haven't had the guts to leave my M yet, mostly for financial reasons since I still have one child in college.  I am hoping I can do it soon since AP and I want to be together and we're anxious to get to the REAL part.  I'm nervous about living situations and money, but I hope we can be part of the 1% or whatver the statistic is.

There is no REAL part! Everything is today, right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2012
In reply to: janejosie
Tue, 07-31-2012 - 1:33pm
I don't pretty much believe in stats regarding controversial subjects much cuz depending on who is conducting the study will be biased towards one or the other. After all's said & done i just wish my AP's divorce will just go through already!!!