1st Fight with AP - ugh!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2010
1st Fight with AP - ugh!!
4
Fri, 07-30-2010 - 2:08pm
AP lives 5 hours away in another state and although we are new (3mths) we have seen each other EVERY time he comes thru my state. We managed to also for the 1st time, spend the night last Saturday in a random city together. I was in heaven. The whole night from talking, sleeping, spooning, swimming, eating, sex, sex, more sex..lol And everytime I know he goes home to W, things slow down for communication, texts, etc.. This slow down period drives me literally INSANE. So last night, I was so fed up with texting him 3 times about various ?'s and no response. He responded last night saying "hey babe, r u awake" I fired back" yes, Im awake, why?" and he was like "what your mad at me? you obviously have a problem with me so I guess I wont bother you anymore." Right before this I thought I should go NC and see how long it takes him to contact me. I then freaked (about the thought of NC) and said "no prob, etc.." then we talked on the phone and I told my H I needed to run out for a beer...at 10pm...he is clueless..lol I was upset and mad that I was mad at him. He told me not to be freaking out on him, he had to work, was working a lot lately, I called him out for not being as sweet in texts, not as sexual talking since he has been home, asked if he felt guilty from our all nighter, etc.. it went back and forth and I was trying to get out to him that I really, really, really liked him and wanted him in my life even if it was just an AP. He was then all goofy, friendly, signing some song to me, back to his normal self. I heard from him this morning and I know he is EXTREMELY BUSY and DRAMA AT HOME WITH WIFE PREGNANT although he told me he isnt so sure she is not cheating on him and whos baby it is, etc.. so that was interesting though. The first time we had a "tiff" and we was going to throw in the towel..or so he says. Damn stupid emotions of mine!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2009
Fri, 07-30-2010 - 2:16pm

Hi Miss Kentucky,


It's understandable that you get upset at him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2009
Sat, 07-31-2010 - 2:15am

Confused: I hear you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-06-2010
Sat, 07-31-2010 - 2:25am
are u married too? if not, u have way more time to sit and stew about stuff than he does AND there is a "pull-away" period for either or bothparties after serious physical interaction. the pull-away is a normal re-action for, from what i've read, usually the man to take. he does feel guilty about spending time with you b/c he does have a pregnant wife at home, and i'm sure your physical connection is great but then he has to go home and look at his wife carrying his baby and be sweet and nice and loving to her as if u do not exist. that is a very hard thing to do. and men can compartmentalize stuff waaaaaay better than women do b/c they tend to be less emotional about stuff. if you think u want an affair, and are not married but a single female with hopes of getting this guy to be all yours in the long run, i honestly think u need to think again. he has a pregnant wife at home. most guys want intense passion, lust, desire cravings filled w/out changing a thing on the home front. so now, he is pulling away, and u are re-acting defensivley, feeling ignored and disposable at the thought of maybe never hearing from him again. this is typical "affair"dynamic stuff. if u really like the sex, and u want more from him --relax dude. but if u think u r in a real relationship where he needs to answer to u the moment u text him b/c he spent the night with u, well -- that is not what u have. there is a lot of information re: the dynamcis of how affairs work, etc... online. try reading those articles, too. good luck with it all my dear!
when one does not love too much, one does not love enough --blaise pascal
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Mon, 08-02-2010 - 3:26pm

Hi Confused,


You said he has a pregnant wife. Are you ok with him having a child on

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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