3-way turning into affair - need help

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-03-2003
3-way turning into affair - need help
11
Sun, 08-03-2003 - 7:56pm
Hi - I'm brand new to posting so bear with me. 7 years ago my boyfriend (who's now my husband) and I had a 3-way with his best friend. They were roommates, and I always felt very comfortable around him and we all would hang out together. We all enjoyed that night tremendously and would get together occasionally after that, maybe 2 or 3 times a year.

This went on for about 5 years. (The friend has a girlfriend who knows nothing about this)

In all that time, I never really gave the whole thing much thought. Just something that happened when the time was right - nothing more. About 2 years ago the 3 of us began getting together more often. This shouldn't come as a big surprise but I started becoming attracted to the friend, thinking about him , etc. I figured it was all in my head, until last summer when the friend and I went to a concert, just the 2 of us. We had done that in the past - just as friends and always had a blast. Out of the blue he put his arms around me and started kissing me. Felt fantastic and we went back to the car and made out.

Eventually I let my husband know - given what had been going on all these years he wasn't surprised, and was allright with it. At this point, I've admitted to myself that I've fallen in love and don't know what to do. The friend and I have talked about this (and my husband knows this), the friend said that it's no longer a fantasy for him anymore and that it's become real. When the 3 of us get together, the first part is just me and the friend, alone. Sex with him is intense, overwhelming. We've gone to concerts alone since last summer and each time has ended up with us making out on the couch, in the car, etc. If you can believe it, we all live in a 2-family house. He's that close to me. Plus he's been with his girlfriend for 12 years (she lives with him) and refuses to marry her. Always complains about her to us, but shows no real desire to leave. Yes, I love my husband and he's my best friend. Yet I just can't ignore these feelings for his friend - they're much more intense than when my husband and I first met. I have let my husband know that I have feelings for the friend but don't tell him how deeply it goes. Feel very isolated since there's just noone I can talk to about this. Thanks so much for letting me ramble on. It does help a little.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Tue, 08-05-2003 - 5:03pm
My OM,H and I will never be together in a 3-some again. I really did not enjoy it that night. If my husband ever found out about OM and I being together alone he would be shocked. I do feel though in some way that he is responsible for me starting to think about his friend in this way. Before the night of the 3-way which ironically I felt pressured into by my husband. I never thought of OM as anything other than a good friend. I know that OM never imagined that either. I know that it is difficult for him too. I think the hardest part is knowing that even if H and I ever got divorced OM and I could never be together. That I think is harder than if I was having an EMA with a stranger. In some ways you are right, I do get to see OM frequent. No one would ever think anything if they saw us talking together. I am at the same parties as OM frequently without H there in which we can talk and we try to act as normal as we can around each other. I guess getting involved in any EMA is never easy. I am just trying to take it one day at a time because I don't want to give up what I have with OM now that I just found it.

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