4 D Days, emotional abuse and NC
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|Thu, 08-16-2012 - 1:55pm|
I dont know where to begin, I will make this as brief as possible which will be difficult due to many many complexities. First and foremost, I have been in a near year relationship with my soulmate. We have known each other for nearly 20 years and have always had an undescribable unbelievable connection. We are both married with children. Both relationships have been on the rocks for quite some time and for different reasons. She is in a seriously emotionally abused situation which has started to turn physical. He is and has always been extremely controlling. He dictates where she works, how many hours she works, if males are around, time to quit. Anyway, we had our first D Day in January. It was chaotic as you can imagine. She tried counseling which was a wreck. They focused on the A and spent 0 time on the abuse. As a matter of fact, they sort of condoned it because of the betrayal. We had several days of NC due to the chaos and shortly after continued while beeing very careful. We had D Day #2 in person in early July. This was very dramatic, cops showed up, you name it. This time was different, she stayed in constand communication and started putting plans in place to leave him. That entire weekend, he locked her in the house, grabbed her, shook her, and threw her around in front of the children. He told the children the entire time that there mom picked another man over them, that she didnt love them, that she was a whore, you name it. All the while, she never follows through on the police reports. He continually threatens to take the kids and she will never see them again. D Day #3 came in late July as he found her other phone and again, the drama insued. This type of behavior by the way is not limited to d days, he drinks and you never know what to expect. She has GPS on her phone and is timed everywhere she goes. He also constantly monitors the phone bill and does surprise spot checks at random. The only reason that she has stayed is 1) her weak mind as a result of years of control and abuse and 2) they were moving at the end of July to Arizona where her kids would be in a better educational setting and she would be able to keep them there. Well they moved, 1 night, he was verbally bashing out of the blue and she once again told him that she did not love him, she loved me. This escalated. He unplugged all phones, abused her in front of the kids, the older one stood up for her, locked her in his room and protected her. They moved out the next day, leaving her, once again, cops involved, same routine. This time, the dad had them call and say that she picked me over them and they are leaving the state and dont want anything to do with her. She could here the dad telling them in the background what to say. She told them she was divorcing the dad, it was over. She said that the A and the problems were between her and the dad, not with them. She told them that regardless, she did not want them to grow up thinking that it is right to abuse a woman under any circumstance. The older boy said he didnt know what she was talking about, there was no abuse, that she needed help. They denied it all............ She caved in in the face of weakness and the thought of losing her kids and allowed him back. We have had NC for 4 days and I am very worried for her safety. I have done everything to have her back and build up her self worth and strength, but I dont know what to do know..... Any advice, I would appreciate. Sorry for the length.....