5yrs am I crazy?
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5yrs am I crazy?
| Thu, 04-09-2009 - 9:12pm |
Five years we have been together and in that time I have left my marriage moved to a new town and still wait for him to join me. As I am writing this I am wondering how pathetic. But I know this man loves me more than his wife. So why isn't he leaving her... I am told their relationship is like living with his sister and that they have only a business type marriage. We are both in a job that we can talk a lot on the phone to each other. But come evening calls are off limits.. The calls to each other start at about7am and continue thru the day till 5 or so.

Hey emr...you have been hanging in there a long time.
Hi and welcome to the board.
5 years is a very long time to be living in somebody's shadow. I think by now you must know that he's not moving out. Maybe he's dragging his feet? Maybe he's got unfinished business? Maybe he's waiting for the right moment? Maybe he's scared? The maybe's are endless...
But you and I both know where this is leading...
I spoke to my AP and asked him if he was in my shoes what he would do? (we've been together for a year only)...he said that he would wait a year and half, but not any longer. He said if the person is not ready to move after a year and half than he wouldn't waste his time.
I just think its time you decide what you plan on doing? Maybe start dating around, and keeping your AP as a friend until he leaves his marriage? I don't know but don't plan on him leaving, at least set a plan for YOUR future.
If he leaves, then GREAT! but don't plan on it is what I'm saying...
And I'm truly sorry... I know how it feels. =(
I know emr... if emotions are involved it is never easy and always feels like this impossible thing to get through.
(( hugs ))
That is a long time to have been waiting.
Hi emr,
I would say that if he is not D after 5 years there is very very little chance that he will ever D. Your AP hasn't left his W because he still loves her; don't believe everything he says look at his actions - he's still with her and not you.
I was involved with a MM for over 3 years and he kept saying we were soulmates etc. and when I asked him if we would ever be together all he would say was 'not right now, but I hope that one day we will be'... I ended up leaving the A recently and it's hard, I feel like I lost 3 years of my life putting time and effort into a R that had no chance of going anywhere.
You don't want to provoke a D-Day that would be horrible; think of all the pain you will inflict on his W and there is a huge chance he will throw you under the bus in favor of saving his M, it's not worth it and you'll never have the satisfaction of knowing that he came to you willingly and not because his W threw him out.
good luck with your reflections, hugs
trixie
Hi,
I by no means am judging you or anyone that is having an affair.
But, I kind of don't get the rationalization of trying to figure out