7 calls so far today....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
7 calls so far today....
34
Sat, 02-28-2009 - 6:49pm
OMG....well, yesterday at work, AP and I had a talk in the morning. He told me that he had paid or was going to pay another month lease on his place and I asked him why if he was back living with her and he said because he wasn't sure about things. I asked where things stood with her, were they "working" on their marriage and he said no, she knew how he felt and wants him to get his head straightened out. He then told me he wasn't the one that sent me that text message last week about loving his wife more, he hugged me, kissed me...before he left at the end of the day I told him to have a good weekend and he said he would be texting me because "that's all we have"...he texted me last night and said something about "yeah, that went well, should've stayed in the bar, I can't get you out of my heart and head"...then told me he loved me and would text me in the morning. He had to work this morning and would be able to text freely...I sent him one first saying "good morning, thinking of you" and he responded about "thinking of you and all the things" and that was it...well, he told me Wednesday the reason he went back was because "someone" told him that they saw me and my husband out somewhere holding hands and looking all in love, which is a lie, and he began to think I was just trying to break up his marriage for revenge and making him look like a fool...I was like, whatever...that is a lie, you know it's a lie and I've never done anything to make you not trust ME....so, his last text today was that he was thinking of all that and didn't want to be made a fool of ( what a joke) and we needed to talk....K, whatever, here's the other odd thing...I've been receiving calls from "UNAVAILABLE" all day...7 so far, and they never leave a message so I suspect that he must've talked to her last night, just from what he said in his text about "that not going well" ( they were supposed to go out last night to celebrate her and some other relatives birthday) and now she's trying to call me..i don't know who else it would be. I don't feel like talking to her...I've done it before and she doesn't listen to anything I tell her and accuses me of lying about everything....I just wish I knew what he tells her..if he lies and tells her that I won't leave him alone ( he's done that before according to what she told me one time) or if he told her honestly how he felt and now she's pissed....gawd...I know, I brought it on myself by not keeping my mouth shut the other day...but I couldn't help it, damnit, I was tired of him acting like I had no feelings and I was just a piece of crap to kick to the curb with no explanation. Thanks for listening to me, ladies.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-29-2009
Sun, 03-01-2009 - 4:26pm

Watch out for those late night drunk calls.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-05-2004
Sun, 03-01-2009 - 4:29pm

::tiptoes quietly and stands infront of Tygerzize:::


:::shows a sign ::::


sign reads You Are Still


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2008
Sun, 03-01-2009 - 4:47pm
oh my this post had me smiling and laughing but in a good way,...not mad...i know im still in an affair trying to friggin deny it to myself and him..,.it's been helping me out though...gaining control has really helped me out..i mean not texting him first sometimes and not responding right away...evening turning my phone off before i go to sleep...i used to leave it on when i was sleep so i could hear it ring in case he called...i don't have to pick up right away when he calls or texts me either...but you are right....he tries to play coy and tries to come off generic but then starts to feel some type of way if i come back at him with it...and oh so misses being my man and boo...to have him tell it.....but again you are right..we are still dealing..trying to make it on some different level.,.but it's not, anyone even ray charles can still see the love passion desire and feeling there...it's awkward though..but again i do have to do it to keep control and maintain my dignity all the while respecting the both of our lives

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

"be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"---Dr. Seuss

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2008
Sun, 03-01-2009 - 4:56pm
LOL! Very funny post lizzie. Those little nuggets of reality are needed in the A world.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
Sun, 03-01-2009 - 5:25pm
There lies the problem....I can't be JUST his friend...we crossed that line and I love him too much to be his friend. He told me Friday that he was "told" to stay away from me but he says that he CANNOT stop talking to me, that he still loves me. I'm sorry, but to me, that's just keeping me dangling on the side...that's the way I see it. He wants me there for the NEXT time he realizes how much his marriage sucks and how unhappy he is. I know in my heart that he is with her because he feels guilty and sorry for her, for his comfort zone...he admitted Friday that he did not feel in CONTROL of things being alone in that apartment. He is afraid of change, of conflict. This confirms to me that he only feels in control when he is in his COMFORT ZONE, no worrying about the bills ( she takes care of everything, he just hands over the money), he has all his STUFF to comfort him....I'm sorry, but that's not love and he knows that deep in his heart. That's why he keeps going back and forth. To be honest with you, I think what he would like is to just "replace" his wife with me and have everything else stay the same in his life, but he knows that can't happen.
No, I will not be his friend....he's hurt me too much and I can't take the continual heartbreak.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2007
Sun, 03-01-2009 - 6:19pm

As long as you let him deal the cards, you will play the hand you are dealt.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
Sun, 03-01-2009 - 6:51pm
I know you are right, but as weird as this sounds, it was always a "pride" thing of giving him the satisfaction of doing that...see, by doing that, it makes his "decision" for him and actually relieves him, by that I mean, that's exactly what he wants. Ya know, every time he left his wife, he would be ecstatic when she would be pissed off because that got him off the guilt trip, BUT, she would never stay that way. If she would kick his ass out and stay pissed at him, he could go through with divorcing her..same with me, it's easier to piss me off so that I walk away, which is what he's trying to do now by twisting things around. He's trying to "justify" all this by saying he's being told that I'm just playing HIM and trying to break up his marriage for revenge because "SOMEONE" saw me and my husband together being all lovey dovey. That's the way he is and I've told him that...when his back is up against the wall, he starts pushing and that means pissing someone off any way he can so THEY are the ones who walk away, thus, making his decision for him and he can say, "well, see, that's how they are"....I know it sounds stupid and I know I need to walk away, but at the same time it pisses me off that I'm giving him an EASY OUT, ya know?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Sun, 03-01-2009 - 11:06pm

Julz


I see you still, after all this time,

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-24-2008
Mon, 03-02-2009 - 6:35am
I know, clarity, actions do speak louder than words, but I also know, like you say, that he is confused and isn't sure of what he thinks. I know he is torn between loving me and what he has to lose "over there". What will it take for me to think he doesn't get off scott free? I don't know, I guess I just want something to validate how I feel, everything I've invested in this for the past year. I just feel like I've given him the best of me and when I started to get something in return, it was ripped away. Believe me, my head knows what needs to be done, but the heart has a hard time letting go. I've done it before and I know I have to do it again. It's just so hard for me to keep my mouth shut when I see him because of the hurt that I feel...I want him to feel bad and I know he does when he sees and listens to me, that's why he tries to avoid me at times...I want him to hurt like he hurt me. Well, almost time for me to head off to where this all started....wish me luck, clarity and thanks for listening to me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2005
Mon, 03-02-2009 - 11:37am

I don't have enough finger and toes to count the number of gals who felt the same way, Julz.


We all want to know we mattered, that we didn't waste so much time working for something that didn't pan out.