Aaargh this A stuff is so hard

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Aaargh this A stuff is so hard
19
Tue, 06-22-2010 - 7:54am

Brief recap- both married, A for 14mths, 2 break ups because he feels intensely guilty but we were back together within a week both times. The second time (4 mths ago) he wanted a more casual arrangement- he said the pressure to see each other weekly or call daily was really too much for him and he felt like his life was spinning out of control (he's a stress head about his work).


Now fast forward 4 mths and things are back to how they were pretty much. He contacts me every day (normally just a text), we see each other nearly every week, we have lovely afternoons of fun at hotels-where we lay and talk for hours

You are what you consistently do

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 7:15pm

Lucy I could kiss you for that post thank you. I do need a slap around the head and your post was great!!


You know its so strange because when I read other people's threads I can see it clearly. I sit back at my desk with the benefit of objectivity and say 'Nope you shouldnt worry about that action', 'Yep it will all be fine just give him space' etc.


Im a grand master of advice when it comes to other people. But with my A, my AP, my squirrels.. Im batting at them, waving my arms around, screaming like a man d woman and not seeing anything with calmness or objectivity.


So thank you my friend. Men and Women are so totally different and I need to give him and me some space right now.


Tsnew- Im here if ever you want to chat- I know what its like to read someone's post and go OMG THATS ME!!! Its enlightening and so bloody relieving!


For me- no idea what to do. I'll lay low, get stuck into my life (heaps to do) and just ponder life I think. I actually wrote him a long email last night -I didnt send it- saying that all this up and down is killing me and I have to end it. It gave me a surprisingly calm feeling.


Lexi said in another post that the poster cant sit under the Sword of Damocles waiting for t to fall. This is exactly how I feel. Can I continue? I dont know.


You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 8:03pm

Ahhhh ...well, don't you and I have the same problem!? ;-)


I know that feeling well IGS, the terror (for want of a better word) that lives in the pit of your stomach, that he will emotionally abandon you yet again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-11-2009
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 10:22pm

Hi Bird - I just wanted to say I love your post and I think you offered a lot of very good perspectives.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Thu, 06-24-2010 - 6:52am

Bird- Im madly in love with you and want to live with you. Im 43 so I may have to adopt you:)


Thank you soooo much for that. I agree I am thinking about this way too much and its that, and not his feelings, that are causing me grief.


I appreciate your words more than I can say and they made me tear up several times- thank you dear dear woman!


Today he called, he is very stressed but it was a nice chat. My birthday is coming up soon and he said he will be OS but we will definately go to lunch the week before my birthday- he said 'no maybe's , this is definate!' (because I said its ok if he runs out of time). So that was sweet.


He is away again tomorrow so i may take your advice and send a funny/playful text and then thats it. I will throw myself into my real life, this board and stay away from rampant thoughts.


On another note- a course would be GREAT! Can we do that???


Thank you again Bird- Id kiss you if I could throw a kiss that far :)

You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Thu, 06-24-2010 - 7:20am
Wonderful post Bird! And where do I sign up for that course... :-) Hey you make more sense at 1 a.m. than most of us make at high noon. :)

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2010
Thu, 06-24-2010 - 11:42am

I also loved your post bird! Sometimes it's a double edged sword though...because we know we want more than what we are getting and should just end the misery it puts us through--however just knowing that they do truly care about us (at least we hope they do)keeps us going. I do feel as if I'm so pathetic sometimes...and how low can I put myself, right?
Actually in my situation...last night I wrote something to him I shouldn't have...
:"Have a good evening, it was nice doing business with you..sincerely,"
I don't think he like that because he asked me if that was some sort of slam on him..I told him no and that it didn't really mean anything. I was considering telling him that that is how I feel sometimes since our relationship seems so impersonal at times. Probably a mistake to say that, right?...just make him pull away again!

Thank you so much for this site I found! It has already helped.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2009
Thu, 06-24-2010 - 1:48pm

omg.. I love coming here and reading cause so much of this is exactly what I'm going thru!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Thu, 06-24-2010 - 4:47pm

You know, a few people here seem to think AP is love with me, and even my therapist thinks so.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Fri, 06-25-2010 - 6:50am
This board is amazing- it just reinforces for me how normal I am :) Thanks girls and boys. Either we are all nuts, or we are all normal sensitive smart and loving people caught up in emotions that put us to our limits
You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do

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