About the kids
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| Sun, 07-18-2010 - 9:48am |
This is part II to this post.
http://messageboards.ivillage.com/n/mb/message.asp?webtag=iv-rlmyaffair&msg=57882.1&ctx=0
One of the reasons why AP was so reluctant to take strong decisive steps to end his marriage is that he was fearful for his children.
He has served as primary care giver for his kids for the majority of their lives. While she is there, she has not been the primary.
They come to him for bumps and bruises and night-terrors. He takes them on their activities. He is proactively involved with their pediatrician, their health, their education. Her behavior, for the most part is one of the reluctant parent.
It is so evident to everyone who knows them as a couple.
So of course she thinks by virtue of her being the mother, and the marital property being property from her side of the family that the kids should be with her. And ordinarily, you do not want to disrupt the kids routines much during this sort of transition.
But in this case, because he has been the primary (and he can prove it in so many ways) it makes sense that they stay with him. Unfortunately, she wants him to move out, which makes sense considering the nature of the property in which they live.
I also believe that she thinks that his infidelity is a factor in child custody. It even scares him. I tell him over and over that it should only be a factor if him and I behaved in ways that effected the children; eg: public displays of affection in front of them, or him shirking his parental responsibilities to be with me. None of that has occurred. He has been the rock that he has always been with them.
So my advise to him is to not move out, unless he takes the kids with him. Other wise, he probably will lose them by default.
I think he really has a good case, but she is going to challenge him and make a very difficult battle.
She even wanted him to disclose his behavior to their oldest child who is still quite young. I told him that he will do no such thing. It has no bearing of the father child relationship and there is no reason why this conversation needs to happen at such a tender age. The only good it will serve is to hurt his kids, and create parental alienation. And if she does it to the kids, it will serve against her.
Any thoughts on this situation? Anyone go through anything like this?

You're right about him staying put. He should not leave the house unless he takes them, if he wants them with him.
Until he gets an attorney's advice, he should just stay put.
You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull
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Hi Goddess,
If I were him I'd stay in the house until I obtained a lawyer and wouldn't repeat my infidelity to anyone. I'd just keep things low key and move forward as best I can with the divorce.
Wish you all the best!
Much peace & Love,
Rayne
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Please he needs to see an attorney ASAP!
I agree with the others: do not leave the house, and consult a good attorney.
anotherseyes