the ache of As

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2010
the ache of As
7
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 11:05am

I couldn't sleep this morning, so I was thinking about As: how complicated and painful most of them are. And it's not because of us, women, but because of them, men. In the beginning APs are so available and so attentive to us. With my AP it was like no matter where I went or looked he was there: on a street, in a store, on Facebook, on the phone... A few months down the road and APs become so busy all of a sudden: there is more work, more errands, more problems in the family... They start playing hot and cold games with the excuse that they are under too much pressure or because they feel guilty... Now, you meet and text when AP is "available". If he wants to see you, you do your best to make yourself free, but if you want to see him, it's too hard for him to get out of work or home... My AP was spending hours chatting and texting with me. He was always hot for me. Now, it's like: one day hot, two or three days cold. Even that I know about this crazy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2009
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 11:17am

'...He gives you wings and then takes them away'


DON'T give him the power to do either. Don't make someone to whom you're an option your number 1 priority.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 11:19am

((((Hugs)))) freedom!


I went through something similar with AP, and I DID tell him how I felt.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 11:23am

Hi Freedom,


We have our good & bad times with these A's don't we. It's crazy because we limit ourselves in these A's. We limit ourselves on what to say to them because of fear of what they will say, think or do but how will they ever know how

 


Much peace & Love,


Rayne


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2010
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 1:37pm

Why are you in the A ? Probably because your needs are not being met in your M.If the same is happening in A ,then the guy you chose (or found yourself with )is not the right one again.If he doesnt meet your needs then you already have another at home of a similar kind.

You have voiced but he hasnt done anything to change it.Does it sound familiar? To many it does.Its voicing concerns to H and getting nothing back and then having an A ultimately.You really dont need 2 men with same level.

Take care of you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 2:00pm

First, I agree with the gist of chick's post in that in your A, you've just added more of what you were seeking to remedy with the A. I always try to keep in mind for myself that when the negatives outweigh the positives...time to end it. And I say that KNOWING how hard ending it can be.


Second, I think to some degree you're just dealing with the "settling down" that any relationship hits. I'm sorry, I don't recall how long you've been in the A. Most do start all hot and heavy...in fantasyland, really...and that intensity is VERY difficult to sustain for long periods of time. I'm sure you know as well that some people are

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2010
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 2:44pm
Thank you all for your advice and thoughts. I guess I was feeling down this morning because of a bad night and just missing the excitement that you feel in the beginning of an A. Maybe the problem is not with AP but with the way I am dealing with my A.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2010
Wed, 07-14-2010 - 4:17pm

You've done a wonderful job summing it all up, exactly the thoughts I have had.