Addicted to Affairs?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2004
Addicted to Affairs?
25
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 9:20am

Who has had more than one A?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2009
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 11:11am

Affairs are like a drug. So, I can see the addiction.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2008
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 1:30pm

I have had more than one A. Many more. Right now I have 2 AP and another one I get together with when he's in town every 2-3 months or so.

For me the addiction is to the secret life. The thrill of getting away with it. When I think back I see I was always cheating at some level - always had one 'BF' and then snuck around. Same with H #1, but I got caught (wrote about that b4). H #2 was an AP, not the one I got caught with. Since we met in an A he's very suspicious and I have to be careful.

The best thrill is the period leading up to the first date. The flirting, touching, emails, texting, anticipation, wondering how it will be. Wondering what he's going to be like. I have to hold myself back, sometimes, so not to rush.

I get tired of them quickly too, sometimes after the first s*x even. My 2 right now I've been with a long time, but #1 is getting a little weird and I think I'll have to back him off pretty soon. Really I never meant to have 2 going at once. And I'm sure it's not for everyone.

-jana

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-29-2004
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 1:38pm

Wow, so I'm not alone in this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 1:54pm
maybe i'm alone in the way i feel. i don 't feel an affair, well for me anyway that it's an addiction. i enjoy our conversations, and the attention. it's to supplement my life.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2009
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 1:59pm

Goddess,


Do you feel like you need it and could you stop forever?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-30-2007
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 5:30pm
I think it's the high that you can get from it that i love. My ap and i have together now for 2.5 years. We have had times where we have had no contact but we ALWAYS end up getting back together(after about a month or so). My ap just makes me feel good,in a way my
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2008
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 5:59pm

Stop forever? I haven't been able to stop period. There's no reason to. It makes me feel good, keeps me feeling young and attractive. Being pursued, there's nothing like it. 'After' of course often the man drifts. . they're hunters after all and once they make the catch, they are not quite so intense. That's the phase my AP#1 is in now, I think.

--jana

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2008
Tue, 03-24-2009 - 6:58pm
Well i dont feel like i need it, and i want him in my life, im in love with him, i miss him. I enjoy my time talking to him, and when we dont, i miss him. Today we talked for an hour and a half. He gave me advice on how to handle an up coming event for me, i would never talk to my husband about it. I listened while he talked about changes in his classes, then work. Right now i cant walk away from him. Im not sure if he could or not. Some times he is very needy and sometimes not, im always needy, but never let him see how needy i am. Last words, to sum it up. I dont need him, i want him. Right now i cant walk away, i dont want to.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2006
Wed, 03-25-2009 - 2:58pm

I've been away from this board for a long time, but felt compelled to come back as I wonder about the same thing...

Over the years I've had many, many affairs. With my first wife it was due to dissatisfaction with our relationship. I was unhappy, and sought solace in the arms of others. Everything I did there was furtive and urgent. Most were simply sexual.

My current spouse actually started as an AP with ex-wife. I had an affair on her between marriages... a highly emotional one, one I was ready to trade everything for. Ultimately she chose to stay with her DH and make things work... she told him everything, which made life a bit dicey for awhile. They ended up moving away.

Last year we moved too, for other reasons. I have been good since then, but... there's always that wondering of what else is out there, what am I missing, what might be fun.

Don't get me wrong, I love my DW very much, but I think that other posters have hit the nail on the head, that there's a thrill in doing the forbidden. I think that's part of what my subconscious is after...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2009
Wed, 03-25-2009 - 3:37pm

I never think of them merely as affairs - they are relationships..... an affair sounds too sterile - (for me) I like how the Europeans say it "taken a lover"..... I had thought I had taken a lover in the past - I would not say I am addicted to anything - I say in the past as I have a connection with my current lover that is in the atmosphere - but that has been since August........ and if my instinct is correct well this will be the lover for me......

Anyway to answer your question more directly - yes I have a few but then again who has nt

reasons - many all different....... but over a 20 year history - one could look and say wow not really that many........ if I was addicted well I dont think I would have any voids......... I may be flawed but then again we are all works in process........ and all unique portraits... its too easy to box anything up and package it as merely an addiction

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