goddess -I could have written your post - that's pretty much how I feel about current AP. Have had 4 prior but nothing like this one - I don't think I would call it an addiction either - others were out of anger / revenge this one is soo different. Don't think I could walk away even if
Not hijacking the topic, but wondering for those you with more than one APs, do they know about each other? Does it make you feel like you are cheating on them?
I haven't posted here FOREVER. Over a year. I was under a different user name and I can't even remember what it was. Was in a very intense A with a MM for 2 years. I was M, got divorced about 18 mos into the A... anyway, in response to your post.. YES!! they can be very addicting! Though I have only had one, I am highly contemplating starting another one. Since my D and ending of the A, I have dated a few guys, and had my heart broken in one way or another and I have decided a MM is the way to go. I'm pretty much in control. I call the shots, especially now that I'm single. If I keep my emotions in check, which I think my heart and mind have been so hurt and hardended, it shouldn't be hard, I will be ok. MM can do his thing while I do mine. I don't have to worry about him cheating on me. I have decided most (99.9%) men AND women
Whatever emotional reasons or "voids" in myself that caused the first one obviously didn't go away, so I went on to a second and a third.
They were all fairly long term - well, 1 1/2 years each for the first two and 10 years for my present one.
For me, the "secret life" part of it has always been appealing - or the "double life" part. Can't explain it. Also, interacting with someone as ME, not someone's wife and someone's mother etc. Being somewhere as ME, not surrounded by family entourage (although I thoroughly enjoy my family entourage, I also enjoy being just ME in a quiet place away from it all...) :-)
I think "repeat offenders" are common because we haven't "fixed" whatever it is that makes us seek affairs. Even if we say we weren't looking, some part of us was open to it. It's funny - I'll suggest counseling to people here sometimes, just to get a handle themselves and help them through things, but I never seem to do that for myself.
Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.
Every day I live I am more convinced that the waste of life lies in the love we have not given, the powers we have not used, the selfish prudence that will risk nothing and which, shirking pain, misses happiness as well.--Mary Cholmondeley
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goddess -I could have written your post - that's pretty much how I feel about current AP. Have had 4 prior but nothing like this one - I don't think I would call it an addiction either - others were out of anger / revenge this one is soo different. Don't think I could walk away even if
Ya know...sometimes I think I belong somewhere in Europe.
I haven't posted here FOREVER. Over a year. I was under a different user name and I can't even remember what it was. Was in a very intense A with a MM for 2 years. I was M, got divorced about 18 mos into the A... anyway, in response to your post.. YES!! they can be very addicting! Though I have only had one, I am highly contemplating starting another one. Since my D and ending of the A, I have dated a few guys, and had my heart broken in one way or another and I have decided a MM is the way to go. I'm pretty much in control. I call the shots, especially now that I'm single. If I keep my emotions in check, which I think my heart and mind have been so hurt and hardended, it shouldn't be hard, I will be ok. MM can do his thing while I do mine. I don't have to worry about him cheating on me. I have decided most (99.9%) men AND women
I've had more than one.
Whatever emotional reasons or "voids" in myself that caused the first one obviously didn't go away, so I went on to a second and a third.
They were all fairly long term - well, 1 1/2 years each for the first two and 10 years for my present one.
For me, the "secret life" part of it has always been appealing - or the "double life" part. Can't explain it. Also, interacting with someone as ME, not someone's wife and someone's mother etc. Being somewhere as ME, not surrounded by family entourage (although I thoroughly enjoy my family entourage, I also enjoy being just ME in a quiet place away from it all...) :-)
I think "repeat offenders" are common because we haven't "fixed" whatever it is that makes us seek affairs. Even if we say we weren't looking, some part of us was open to it. It's funny - I'll suggest counseling to people here sometimes, just to get a handle themselves and help them through things, but I never seem to do that for myself.
Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.
You've got a lot of choices. I
Every day I live I am more convinced that the waste of life lies in the love we have not given, the powers we have not used, the selfish prudence that will risk nothing and which, shirking pain, misses happiness as well.--Mary Cholmondeley
Lite and airy
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