advice...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
advice...
1
Thu, 08-06-2009 - 9:14pm

hi -

my quick story as it is probably similar to a lot. I am a MW in an AP with a MM. We live several states away so I havent seen him in a month and half and have no plans to see him soon, but will again. We chat every day for hours on IM and email, we have become so close even just via cyber world.

He talks all the time about things "we" will do together in the future like he sees that as a possibility. I do too since neither of us are happy in our M.

The weird thing is, the one thing I do not feel comfortable talking to him about is if he plans on leaving his wife. The question isn't if he plans on leaving for me, but just if he plans on leaving her EVER. I am in the process of figuring my future out with my H, we are starting M counciling to either try to save our M or get a divorce, but we cannot stay M the way we are, we are both so unhappy. My AP does not know this b/c we talk about everything except leaving our H or W. I also dont want him to think its about him, because its not.

The one time I brought up something about our future not just talking great fantasies (I asked for more details on how he and I would ever go skiing together) and he got all wigged out about it's premature to be talking logistics about moving several states, etc and that we need to get to know each other first.... We've known each other since March but in an A since May - so yes we are still getting to know each other.

Regardless of him, my decision to leave or stay with my H is for my own happiness, but I am putting a lot of effort to keep my long distance A together and just am wondering if I am being fooled or what and he never would leave his wife. I think it is a reasonable question.

Anybody else have an AP that doesn't like to talk about this? for real? I know he loves me dearly and I don't doubt that. I just am enjoying him way too much to be the one fooled in the end. I could and probably should be funneling that effort into my existing M, but I just cannot do that and do not want to.

Help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
In reply to: icandoit2009
Thu, 08-06-2009 - 10:25pm

When I started reading your post, I saw a lot of myself in your words.