Advice from all, but male AP especially

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Advice from all, but male AP especially
16
Mon, 08-10-2009 - 7:03pm
A little back ground, been in a EMR for almost 3 years. It started out slow with emotional attachments from my AP. In the last 6 months he has been very loving, and has his little names for me. At the end of most of my emails I tell him I love him. It started slowly. He's getting divorced, was served papers. I'm moving at the end of the week. Now early in our relationship I could never really get him to help me with work on my car, if I offered to pay for lunch, he never said no, or get him to my house. Today he helped me size a room, wants to offer to help buy me furniture for my apt, bought me speakers for my laptop, and he's going to work on my car, and help me move some furniture out of my house. I offered to buy him lunch today, and he flat out refused to let me pay, he read me rental agreement. I love it, he's taking total charge. he's doing a total turn around. What is with the sudden change. He is still living home until the divorce is final, our time is limited right now. I'm wondering about him. He holds my hand, my body, really kisses me, more then ever. He's very affectionate.

MoonUnit

MoonUnit

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 8:18am
Iwas wondering if anyone had any thoughts.

MoonUnit

MoonUnit

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 8:45am
He was served with divorce papers?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 8:53am

He was served with papers.




Edited 8/11/2009 8:59 am ET by moonunit02

MoonUnit

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 10:39am
Be prepared - if you're still married and he's soon to be divorced, he might want you to leave your marriage. Not all single APs are like that, but many will expect more if they change from married to single. Also be prepared - if he wants more and you can't give it to him, he may look for a more "real" relationship. The "power balance" changes if one of two married APs change marital status.
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You've got a lot of choices. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 11:25am
Like I said I already see a change. This may seem insignificant, for me it bears mentioning. For the entire time that we have been together my AP would never drive my car. I have offered for him to drive it when we have gone out together using my car. I've driven his a couple of times. Yest like I said we went out to lunch, and he says,I have never driven your car, let me drive it. Changes like this i'm noticing. In one email he sent me, he told he was crazy about me, cared for me deeply, I emailed him back that I felt the same, but 10 fold. he emailed me back and said mine.. My therapist told me he's marking his terrtory. I told her I like a man who takes charge, and he has been. We will see where this goes and enjoy being together, but it's not exclusive. One day at a time. right now we are not free to do what we want.

MoonUnit

MoonUnit

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 11:26am
Thank you for the heads up.

MoonUnit

MoonUnit

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Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 12:07pm

I think he's marking his territory, too. If he's making changes you like, then that's great. But, you've been with this guy 3 years and he's not been like this. Maybe part of the thrill of your relationship has been the hunt, to get him to hold your hand, to really kiss you, to drive your car (silly but we like it! LOL). If my ap all of a sudden, regardless of the reason, shifted the power in our relationship, I'd probably push back hard. He fusses if I buy lunch, because he's keenly aware of my budget. But there was a time when my budget was looser and his was tighter and I treated him.


"Mine..."

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 12:40pm
It was funny though when we did get lunch, when we walked in I said i'm paying it's my treat for you helping me to move. He looks at me and says NO. We ordered, then ate, and I said again, i'm paying, and goes NO. He says your money is going to be very tight and you have to budget. Then on the way back to my place, he stops off to look for furn for my place, and bought me speakers for my laptop. These are things he would have not done before. He would tell me where to shop for the best prices, even looked them up for me, but not actually physically taken charge. He took charge of my rental agreement after he read it. Like I said he is actually going to help me move stuff out of my house. There is no way he would have ever done that before. As matter of fact so I didn't even think of putting him out, when I found my place I told him I was going to call the movers

MoonUnit

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2009
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 12:48pm
He's been acting like this for the past month, affectionate, subtle hints of being only his, when we are intimate hints of

MoonUnit

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2008
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 2:55pm

When did he get served the divorce papers?

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