Advice from any men on the board

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Advice from any men on the board
16
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 5:18pm
I am a MW who got played by a SM. So good old FB.....I hooked up with an old classmate on FB, and we had been chatting, messaging, etc. for over a year. All innocent. Then one night he sends me a message with his ph # telling me to text him. So I did. At first the texts were purely innocent. Then I had a few drinks after work one night and sent some more flirty texts. After that the talk got very racy. Pics were exchanged, etc. He happens to live in the same town as my parents, so I went to visit them one weekend and ended up hooking up with him. We had the most incredible sex. For 2 weeks after that things got really hot and heavy. We exclaimed how great it was...."best ever" were his exact words, and talked about when we could see each other again. Then out of the clear blue....literally overnight, he quit texting. I texted and emailed with no response. Finally after a few days, me texted me and said he had gotten back with his girlfriend, and had a hard time juggling women. I told him, no problem, but you could have told me that up front. So I didnt talk to him for about 2 weeks. THen I found out that my work was sending me to his town for a week to train a new employee. Well, that was a fantasy of ours come true. So I sent him a text and told him I was going to be in town, would he like to get together for drinks with me, and another mutual friend of ours. I was trying to keep it totally innocent so he wouldnt think I was trying to seduce him (which of course what I was hoping for). He said he would love to get together. Then the next day he sends me a text that says "FYI....I have to behave next week." I texted him back and said, "No problem. We dont even have to get together if you dont want too". He responds "no, I really want to see you". Then the rest of the night he spends trying to dirty text me, etc. The next day, he sends me a text that says "sorry about some of those texts I sent last night". I texted back, "which ones....the ones where you wanted me or the ones where you didnt?". He never responds and proceeds to ignore the rest of my texts I send him. So I go to his town for work, and text and ask if he is wanting to get drinks or not......no response. So I am pissed and thinking, what an a**. So me and my friend go out for drinks and low and behold, just who happens to be there.....HIM. So to make a long story short, he comes over to our table, we hang out all night and then we go back to his place. I finally just said look......be a man and say what you want. Yes, I will stay, NO, i will leave....doesnt matter either way, but quit playing this game. So he says YES....I stay, we have incredible sex again, and guess what....I havent heard from him since. I am SO hurt, mad at myself, and not really understanding how someone can be so into you one minute and not literally the next. Seriously....there was no dwindling down, or anything....it was hot/heavy to NOTHING. Are men really that big of pigs???

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 5:21pm
PS.....guess I am not a "smart blonde" haha
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2010
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 5:43pm

Hi smartblonde41...not a man, and I'm so sorry you're hurting from this.


Chalk it up to "lesson learned"...sounds like he just wanted sex. Only person who knows for sure is him.


Something I've learned the HARD WAY: don't listen to what they say as much as you watch their actions. His actions seemed to SCREAM I'm only in it for sex, even though he said things that made it sound otherwise.


Hope you're on a quick road to recovering...I know it hurts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Thu, 06-17-2010 - 10:27pm

My initial reaction would be that he was only looking for sex, although that doesn't explain a year of platonic communication prior to that.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2005
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 10:04am

I am a man and think I may be able to help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2010
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 10:07am

Hmmm, that's actually really insightful eli! It definitely has given me some food for thought.

Can you read my post (Don't know why he does this, help) and offer your thoughts?

Thank you!!!

(sorry to hijack this post)

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 11:15am
Thanks Eli and everyone else. I know it was all about sex....and we never acted like it was anything else. The second hookup shouldnt have happened, and my confusion comes from him texting me like crazy wanting me after the first hookup to ovenight ignoring me. Without a clear answer I drive myself crazy wondering what in the hell I did? Then to have the accidental hookup again which was fantastic, to be ignored again....well let's just say my self esteem is at a low. I mean, please just tell me to f*** off, or that I am gross, or whatever it is, but tell me WHY....geesh! It is not like we professed our love, or trying to make a relationship out of the deal. However, I feel like I deserve to know why the silent treatment. My only conclusion is that he really is an ass. And that sucks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2010
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 11:22am

Blonde I totally know how you feel. Like to a T.

My guy is hot and cold with me and when he is cold, I am desperate to know what I did wrong. Why he isn't responding. Why he doesn't like me anymore. Why he's doing this.

Then he will go hot again and I will feel great. Then cold and I am crushed. It's an awful cycle and I don't know if its worth it but for now, I am riding the rollercoaster.

Big hugs to you, I completely understand how it chips away at your self-esteem. I went from being really confident of myself when the A started, to feeling pathetic and desperate. At the same time, I know I could hook up with another guy, but I want HIM.

ugh ugh ugh. I'm sorry you're hurting :(

I don't know if its necessarily JUST about sex. It may be that he does have feelings but doesn't know how to deal with them. So after showing them to you, he gets cold feet, feels guilty, and backs off. But then after some time passes, he gets that itch and comes back for me. That seems to be how it is with my AP.

ugh ugh ugh some more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-03-2009
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 12:49pm

pls read my other post.. but the short answer to your question/scream of WHY (justified of course)is that "jr" is running his brain when he's in heat and that's what you are being exposed to.. once a man is in that mode of "she's available to me and i want her" he'll do anything and everthing to make that happen.. not all men do this, of course, but some do.. and your P is one who does.. his sex drive runs all his actions when he's in that mode..

as other posters said, do what you have to to protect yourself from him.. unless you can accept to be treated this way because you are enjoying the sex.. which i highly doubt.. i guess what i am saying is that HE will not change..

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 2:39pm
I read your other post, and you are right on the mark. Thanks for putting things into perspective. And I am ok with it.....after all....arent we all playing a game? And how can we really expect to be treated with respect when we are in an unrespectable affair?
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-17-2010
Fri, 06-18-2010 - 2:41pm
I think women do this to get everything that leads up to the sex, and men do it for the sex......I guess the key is to hold off as long as possible on the sex part, and think of sex as the last hurrah. HAHAHA

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