advice I should have listened to...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
advice I should have listened to...
15
Sat, 04-17-2004 - 9:24am
I should have listened to the girl before I got married that told me I was marrying a selfish ice queen.

I should have listened to a friend last spring who told me, "Move out, honey. Don't get into another relationship until you're done being married. Get some space."

I should have listened to my OW who told me "if you don't take action to move out soon, I think something is breaking between us you might not be able to fix."


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-13-2003
Sun, 04-18-2004 - 12:47pm
Rain, good to hear from you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-19-2003
Sun, 04-18-2004 - 5:17pm
Don't keep us hanging, Rain. What did do the next day that you had a change of heart. :-0

We all like positive and affirming stories!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2003
Sun, 04-18-2004 - 6:53pm

Rain... I don't think we've posted too often to one another... but I read a lot of your posts and know where things are at.


I just wanted to say... only you can make the best of what life throws at you... and while I do wish you all the very best... whatever the outcome... you will be a stronger and better person for it... and you will know now that you can not settle for second best.


Keep us up to date hon.


luv and hugs

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My Affair Support
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"Friends are quiet angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly"

"Happiness is like a butterfly, if pursued it is always out of our reach. However if we sit quietly, it comes and rests gently on our shoulder"

Sweet
Co-Community Leader My

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Sun, 04-18-2004 - 9:36pm
Hey Rain. I was away from the board yesterday and I, like the others here, got a little concerned reading your first post. I kept reading because I was hoping there would be more information and I sighed in relief on reading this one. You and OW are working through a lot of feelings and the way your R began does make it a little tougher. Meanwhile, you're dealing with working through the end of your M. I wish I could say you weren't going to have any more days like this, but you and I both know you will. I've had them too. One minute the W is easy to deal with and offering to help me get things ready to move. The next she is devastated and hates me. IS and I don't fight often, but we are not as far along as you and your OW are. We don't live together or even see each other more than once a month (although we do talk every night). But we have already had two pretty big fights. And of course they both coincided with bad days with my W. So right at that moment, I felt like my entire world was collapsing around me. It was terrifying. But I will say this...I did gain a moment of clarity the last time it happened. Because as soon as I heard her anger and felt like I was losing IS, my mind immediately raced to whether I should go back on leaving. And I knew without hesitating that the answer was no. What terrified me wasn't being alone anymore. It was losing IS. And of course I haven't. And hopefully I never will. But that moment was like one of those defining moments when I could say with complete clarity that I am now beyond my R with my W and can begin developing a truly deep R with IS. The love has been there and growing everyday, but now we can build something together. Hopefully you have already had these types of moments too. If so, focus on them the next time a bad streak hits you. And remember that you're a good person who deserves and will find happiness no matter what. I'm here for you man.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2004
Tue, 04-20-2004 - 8:53am
Rain - so glad to hear that you are ok. I'm a little behind in reading and posting...I'm sure that you have already had other things happen in your life to match this event! With not being home anymore, I can't check the internet as much as I'd like, but I do keep up. Hang in there...we all care for you even w/o knowing you personally. Your posts bring us hope, so let us bring it to you when you need it too. And Omaha, I am so glad that you came to that realization. I had that feeling the other day too...I had something terrible happen to me and of course my H was called in to come and assist/comfort. I didn't even want him there. I wanted my OM. I thought about it all night, and came to the realization that I want nothing more than to not lose my OM. I want him in my life, and want a progressing R with him. I am much calmer now that I have found that answer...as I'm sure you are too. I think the spats with the OM might also just be driven with the tension that is going on right now with your first R with your W. I think once that is moved out of the picture, you will see that you and your OM are more close and soulmates than ever :-)

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