Advice before it's too late PLEASE!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Advice before it's too late PLEASE!
9
Fri, 05-29-2009 - 2:28am

I would really appreciate any advise/similar experiences

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Fri, 05-29-2009 - 7:04am
It sounds as tho your "college buddy" took full advantage of you, getting you drunk and bringing you home to his house. A real friend would have taken you home to YOUR house and left you alone. Not to mention a REAL friend would NOT have gotten you drunk like that in the first place and taken advantage. Don't you know your alcohol limit? Why did you keep accepting shots? Cuz you trusted him to take "care" of you if you got drunk? I would chalk this one up to being so inebriated, you didn't know what was going on, therefore, you are not responsible. Your friend knew what he was doing when he got you drunk. He knew what he was doing when he brought you home to his house. All he thought about was himself. If i were you, i would NOT tell your BF about the situation til you have a chance to see a counselor about it and talk about your feelings with that person first, to find out that its ok to make mistakes, and how to move on with your life, to get an idea of WHAT to say to your BF if you are unsure of telling him.
Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2008
Fri, 05-29-2009 - 7:27am

Sounds like date rape to me and I think you should consider legal action. This pig clearly took advantage of you.

That said (and this will be hard for you to hear), it looks to me like you set yourself up. Made yourself vulnerable. Why hide your date from your bf, if you weren't at least subconsciously thinking about having a fling?

What happened to you is horrible and I send you (((huggs))). . . Keep in mind tho that this board is full of committed cheaters like me - we're all about lying to H etc. - so our advice on dealing with your BF may not all be best for you. Just my .02.

good luck

-jana

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2004
Fri, 05-29-2009 - 10:58am

Try to relax!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-24-2009
Fri, 05-29-2009 - 4:11pm
You didn't have an affair! Honestly it sounds like date rape to me. Unless you have a history of blacking out when drinking, I wouldn't be at all surprised if there was rohypnol ("roofie") or something similar in one or more of your drinks, which would explain why you had a sexual encounter with someone to whom you were not attracted and who is obviously a complete jackass. You have nothing to feel guilty about - you had no bad intent and very little control over your actions. You were not the bad person in this situation; you were victimized. I would strongly recommend seeing a counselor as quickly as possible to deal with your feelings about this and help you figure out whether talking to your BF would be healing. This is a huge thing to deal with. I'm so sorry.

MASAlterego


www.nicegirllikeme.blogspot.com

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2009
Fri, 05-29-2009 - 8:29pm

Thanks so much to everyone!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2009
Fri, 05-29-2009 - 8:47pm
Hi,
First ((((((hugs))))) to you. I can't even imagine what you are going through. I agree with everyone here that you did not willingly go to bed with him. Yes, you did lie to your BF about going with him but the fact that you knew you didn't want to sleep with him speaks volumes.
I believe he got you drunk so he could take advantage. MY sister was drugged and she believes it was her supposed friend as well. She couldn't prove it and luckily it had a bad effect on her, making her so sick and violently ill that instead of being taken to his house, she went to the hospital. The guy wouldnt even drive her there and she had to take a cab!
The stupid doctors never checked for the drug! They thought she had had too much to drink (had two!). She had horrible headaches for over a week after. That is what the drug will do.
Either way, whether he drugged you or not, his intent was to make sure you were incapacitated and therefore easy to lure to his place and take advantage. He is damn lucky you did not go to the police. Seriously he raped you!
Granted you take responsibility for the amount you drank, but the rest is totally on him.
I'm sure there are hot lines or maybe even counselors at your college where you attended that could help you until you get your health insurance taken care of.
Good luck to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2006
Fri, 05-29-2009 - 10:11pm

Set herself up? By going out with someone she knows and having a good time? I could go out with ANY number of my male friends, drink til I puked...and they would hold my hair out of the toilet for me. And it would end there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Sat, 05-30-2009 - 5:48pm

I agree that you did NOT set yourself up. This was clearly rape. As such, you should treat it like one, and not beat yourself up about going out with this "friend". It's up to you whether you need counseling, but this could affect you further down the line in strange ways.

Be kind to yourself! If you believe your b/f truly loves you, then he should know about this so that he can help you get through it. If you think he'll have a bad reaction to it, then again it's up to you whether to share it or not.

Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.

Proud to be a



You've got a lot of choices. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2008
Sat, 05-30-2009 - 10:50pm

I just have to agree with the other posters.
You were raped.
Possibly drugged and raped.
Please get yourself some therapy as soon as you can.
I'm sure the therapist can give you some clarity as to whether it would be wise or not to share this with your BF.

Please take care of yourself.
This was not your fault.