ADVICE NEEDED - Should i walk away now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
ADVICE NEEDED - Should i walk away now?
4
Sun, 04-25-2004 - 10:43pm
Hey everyone. Glad to see there is a support group for people like us....the ones that seem to be good people, but like to partake in not so moral engagements. My questions is one that i could probably answer myself, but i need reinforcement. The situation is as follows. He is a VP in my company. He is hotter than hell, i feel fait at the mere sight of him. And from what I gather intuition-wise, he seems to reciprocate some sort of interest, whatever it may be. He has a W and 3 kids, I am single, no attachments. Should I dabble in this?? he consumes my thoughts, I am utterly obsessed. I have a bf of 6.5 years and love him dearly, but i am just so attracted to his MM, and want desperately to get to know him better. I also think i may be bored...extremely bored. I guess right now it's just been harmless flirting. I know i shouldn't be getting myself in this situation, but at the same time i can't help it. Sometimes you just know trouble when you see it, and this is it for me. I feel drama coming on. BUt i want to play the innocent card if you will, do't want to seem like i am pursuing him. I don't want to be the one to make any moves, or initiated a first "meeting" outside of work. How do i get him to ask me out? And as for flirting at work..how do i increase his interest so that he wants to ask me out? what are the boundaries at work? I am new to this sort of thing. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 8:03am
attrct

Hmmmm well in my opinion the single/mm setup can be unfair to the single. You have a lot less distractions then somone with three kids (trust me that is what I have). As a single person and someone who is "bored" in a 6.5 year relationship maybe you should think about ending it. If you already are "faint at the mere sight of him" are "obsessed" and he consumes your thoughts already, what will it be like after you take it to the next level? Those are strong emotions for so early.

I went through the same thing, and now 7 mos later he is the first thing I think of in the morning and the last thing I think of at night. We split one time for 6 weeks and when we got back together he professed having "deep feelings" for me, so that has compounded things. But he will never leave his family, and although I am not super happy in my marriage I won't do that either. I shudder to think what a basket case I would be if I were single and felt this way. I wouldn't want to put my single life on hold for someone who has professed a committment to someone else.

He is a vp as well and outrageously busy with work all the time. I tend to "overthink" things and so I am on a rollercoaster ride that I don't really enjoy. He is extremely cautious, everything can be too risky. So we only communicate personally Mon - Fri with the hours of 8-5 being acceptable. And I am always the initiater, so I don't feel exactly special. I am rambling now, but suffice it to say if I were you I wouldn't. You are single no kids (?) and have the freedom to find a man with no attachments who will do the same thing to your mind body and soul. If the b/f isn't cutting it, just take the flirtations as flattery, enjoy it and find someone else!

This is the voice of reason :)

deedee

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-14-2004
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 10:13am
My honest advice...walk away. You have not crossed any lines yet and you still have the ability to handle your own situation the right way now. Take advantage of that. You say you have no attachments and one sentence later mention you have a boyfriend of 6.5 years. That tells me you need to look at your R with your boyfriend and find out whether that is worth staying in. If not, you should end it and try to find someone who is available to be with you. I wish you all the luck in the world.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-23-2004
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 11:53am
Welcome:

I do agree with the others. Both myself and MM are married,

but neither one of us have kids. ( A Big Plus) Most of the

posts here are dealing with MM along with kids, let alone

a W.

When I first saw my MM, i felt the same as you. He walked in

my office and I melted. It is going on 6 months..and I still

am consumed with him. Ours at this stage is just petting and

mainly e-mails and calls after work hours. we DO NOT have

each others cells, or home numers. It makes it too tempting.

Our started in the flirting stage also, he is a client of mine

3 years now. It was all very innocent, until he came in my office.

Then the e-mails became hot and heavy, being he said he

melted at the sight of me also.

Bis and Boston (the Men in our posts plus rain) gave me some

excellent advise. Be yourself, confident and not pushy.

Enjoy it, and beware of the roller coaster. I am more down

than happy, but when I am with him, it is worth it.

Take it slow, you have alot more to deal with, because of

kids being involved.

Keep us posted.

Bunny

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-03-2004
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 12:55pm
Attrcted.... the answer is YES! Walk away now. I'm sure someone will correct me if they think I'm wrong, but this board isn't a 'how to snag a married man/woman' board. We who have chosen this very difficult path support each other through the ups and downs. We don't teach others how to embark upon a journey that can be more pain than pleasure. Please re-evaluate your situation before you make a life-altering mistake.