Advice on starting the affair again

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2003
Advice on starting the affair again
1
Thu, 04-08-2004 - 6:56pm
I need some input, please.

I have been married for 20 yrs. Never thought I would cheat

on my husband.

I met my MM at work, he works at my place of employment on a part time

basis. He is married too.

We have known each for for 1 1/2 yrs.

Seven months ago we were alone together for several hours and he started

telling me that he had been attracted to me since the first day he met me.

After several hours of talking it was obvious to me what he was getting at,etc,etc,

and then he kissed me. It all started from there. We were involved in a sexual relationship for 5 months,it was great, we would meet after work, he would call me on his way to work, we would sneak off at lunch. He is a very passionate man. Then one day he called me and said we needed to talk.He said he wasn't sleeping, eating and he had become very short with his wife and kids,and he asked me if I thought we could be friends.He wanted to make sure I could be his friend, he said he felt like he could talk to me about anything.

I said sure, we can be friends.

The first few weeks everything was different, we still talked at work, but didn't go beyond that.

Then I started noticing a change in him. I would catch him looking at me, and when we talk his whole face would light up and the spark is back in his eyes.


He has started laughing and joking with me more now and comes in my office and sits and talks. This week while he was in my office, he had that "look in his eyes" again. So I said "can I ask you something ?"He said yes, so I said, "Sometimes when you look at me now, I think I see that look in your eyes again, am I wrong?" He said, " No you're not wrong, sometimes you do."

I am wondering if he wants to start the affair up again, and is waiting to see if I will bring it up. That look in his eyes can not be mistaken.

It was so wonderful with him, so passionate and intense, I would do it again.

Does anyone else think that maybe he is trying to tell me that he wants to start the affair again, or is it just me ??

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-04-2004
Fri, 04-09-2004 - 9:49am
Hmm. Well, to be honest, maybe he's a better man than me and some of my EMA brethren. Maybe he realized his happiness with you was causing problems at home and doesn't want that and had the strength of character to put a stop to it. Personally, I applaud him for it. There have definitely been times that I wished I'd had that ability.

But that doesn't really turn that look off. He might be insightful enough to realize that his home life isn't a terrible tragedy, even if he isn't completely satisfied. That knowledge might keep him from having an affair, or enable him to end an affair, but it's a little more complicated to stop being enamored with someone especially if you see them every day.

My two cents is that by saying, "Sometimes you do " he was letting you know he has many warm feelings for you. I don't think he is trying to start it up again, or he would have said something more like, "I think about you all the time" or something racier.

I think he just really likes you and prefers to be open with it. You make each other smile and feel good about yourselves. I have a friend I've been like that with for 10 years, but we decided a long time ago to leave it there. We're both married, our spouses know each other, and we've all gone out... but both spouses still gently inquire if we're *sure* we never dated or anything (we didn't.) We just light up for each other and we're not going to hide it. Maybe you have the same kind of thing.

rain