Advice...Could he still want to be...us?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2009
Advice...Could he still want to be...us?
6
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 8:54am

Hi all...Not sure if you all know my story, but here is the short version and then my confusion...


MM and I were friends for 2+ years before our EA started...followed by a PA.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 10:10am

Stop listening to what he is saying and look at what he is doing. Be still, be quiet and stop talking and talking to him and watch his actions. Don't make excuses for him. He's a big boy and can make grown up decisions for himself. He may feel all of those things that he is telling you but remember that may be how he is feeling while he is with you. He has a whole other world which does not include you, but includes another woman whom he is telling something. You don't know what he is telling her and don't assume that what he is telling her and please don't believe every word he says. I know you love him dearly and you are sensitive right now but you are a small portion of his world and although you are giving him something he is enjoying while he is with you he is also getting something that he is enjoying from his W. It's the unfortunate circumstances of getting involved with someone who has made a commitment to someone else.


Step back and do something for yourself for a while. Take care of bitsy right now and let him take care of what he needs to. You can't do this for him, he has to put on his big boy pants and do it for himself. There are a lot of men who straddle the fence forever, telling their W something and the OW something else. Heck, it's every man's dream to have two women pining over him. When he gets tired of one, he just runs to the other. I know you want to believe him and trust him but you just cannot put your whole heart into what he is saying until he actually makes a move to be with you completely. Right now he is having his cake and eating it too and he will continue this until you or his W has had enough. Don't mean to be harsh, I just want you to take care of yourself and stop repeating what he is saying and texting and start looking at what he is doing.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2010
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 10:18am

You ask for people to be sensitive to you on your request of advise, but seriously how can you expect that and not think about the damage you are causing his family.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2009
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 11:00am

mdb...


I ask for people to be sensitive

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-09-2009
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 11:07am

myrasfriend...


I appreciate your response.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-23-2007
Fri, 01-08-2010 - 1:23pm

Leaving a M is so very hard. I know, because I did it, but staying in a miserable M is even harder (JMHO). I know you say he texts you and call you when he is with his W and family telling you he loves and misses you but I am just saying to you to be careful and don't believe what he says. Believe what you see. I know as women we can make ourselves hold onto every word men tell us. Have you heard the saying the best S a man has ever had is the last woman he had it with? Bad analogy I know but his W is fighting for him on one end and pulling out all of the stops and you are doing the same. In order for you to protect yourself, you should take a step back, take a deep breath and find something else to keep you busy while he sorts out his stuff. Remember that this is still a M and they are still doing things as H and W. There is handwriting on the wall and you could get seriously hurt in the process. If he wants to end his M and come to you he will but don't sit around reading his text msgs and believing him unless he puts his actions into words. Also don't tell yourself the little things like his little girl asking her mommy and daddy to stop fighting is evidence that they should seperate. Who among us hasn't had an argument, two or three in front of their children. Just remember that you are an observer on the outside of their M and you don't know the true story. They could have made passionate love after they finished fighting. You don't know that. I know ppl who have volatile M who fight and make up just as passionately. He is not going to tell you the entire truth.


I am just telling you this because I don't want you to put all of your eggs into one basket and convince yourself that he is staying for the kids and that he is so miserable and just believing what he is telling you and you hanging on his every word. This cycle could go on for years and you could be in limbo for years waiting for him to grow b*lls to get out of his M. I just say take care of YOU, worry about YOU and don't put your life on hold until you SEE with your own eyes that he is there with you all the time and not sending text msgs from the bathroom or some secret place while he is with his W. Take care of yourself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-08-2010
Tue, 01-12-2010 - 1:48pm

I'm not judging you.