An Affair?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2007
An Affair?
8
Mon, 10-19-2009 - 4:05am

Hi Ya'll, I'm new to this board, read some really great messages and thought I would post my own curiosity.


Back story - My best friend and I first got to know each other about 4 years ago. I'm finally not ashamed to say that since then I've been pretty in love with the man. He's intelligent, funny, good communicator, gorgeous (OMG gorgeous!!!), caring, he just has an overall great personality. We've gone through some heavy stuff and great stuff together: he was in an abusive relationship, the death of our friend, and career successes, I digress. We've always communicated really well in our friendship, we have great times when we're together.


Well about two months ago our semi-flirty conversation turned VERY sexually explicit. After that night we decided not to pursue anything for two reasons 1) he has a girlfriend 2) it could permanently damage our friendship. Well a couple weeks later he sends me a Hott text and once again and without a second thought

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2009
In reply to: sweetlongshot
Mon, 10-19-2009 - 4:31am

Sweet, it does sound like an emotional affair. If you read about them, they are just as dangerous to your feelings as a physical affair - if not more. Just because you are not touching or having intimate contact, you are sharing your personal thoughts way beyond a regular friendship including crushes.

If this man has a GF already and you dont want to put yourself in the position where you may have the intimate contact with him, i would suggest you stop the sex talk and go back to friends if possible. You will only hurt yourself if you try to compete (either subconsciously or willingly) with the GF because A) you may lose and then become upset and the status-quo will change between you or B) he will have overstepped the boundary and become the "cheater". The old expression from Dr Phil is "If they will do it with you, they will do it to you" comes into play.

Save your emotions for someone who is already available or wait around till this man you care so deeply for becomes single again.

Good Luck.

SB

Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2008
In reply to: sweetlongshot
Mon, 10-19-2009 - 2:13pm

Its an emotional affair for sure and let me tell you, these affairs are much more dangerous than physical affairs or the combination ones( EA and PA).
More than moral ethics,if you want an out ,do it now than later, for your emotional well being and sanity.

Are you married?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
In reply to: sweetlongshot
Mon, 10-19-2009 - 2:27pm

It sounds like an emotional affair to me, but here are some links that may help you better decide:


Cyber-Cheating & Emotional Affairs


Are You Emotionally Cheating?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2007
In reply to: sweetlongshot
Mon, 10-19-2009 - 4:23pm

Hi lovingdoll - No, I am currently single.


Hi Stephanie - Thanks for the links, yep definitely an emotional affair.


SLS




Edited 10/19/2009 4:29 pm ET by sweetlongshot
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-12-2008
In reply to: sweetlongshot
Tue, 10-20-2009 - 1:57pm

Its is an EA IMO as well.

If you are S and AP isnt M,i would suggest you to flat out ask him about where he is at in respect to his gf.Are things progressing to M etc. then go from there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-07-2007
In reply to: sweetlongshot
Tue, 10-20-2009 - 8:49pm

Hi funky,


Thanks for your reply, great advice. If I can get enough courage I'll ask him.


~SLS

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2009
In reply to: sweetlongshot
Wed, 10-21-2009 - 11:21am

You don't say if you are married or not.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2006
In reply to: sweetlongshot
Thu, 10-22-2009 - 12:12pm

Sweet,


Hi.


I am a MW and my best friend is a man.