In an Affair

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2009
In an Affair
18
Sun, 09-27-2009 - 3:13am

HI,


Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2009
In reply to: jenpilz
Sun, 09-27-2009 - 8:16pm

Oh Jen...You are in such a tough situation because I know you cannot imagine life without your AP but being with him is only going to cause you more pain.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2009
In reply to: jenpilz
Sun, 09-27-2009 - 8:37pm

Abigmess - You are so right and your example sounds EXACTLY like mine - it just made my head spin.


It is totally my situation that we are totally fine as long as I keep quiet, dont express myself, dont tell him EVER that i am sad or hurt, act happy all the time, and no demands...exactly!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-13-2008
In reply to: jenpilz
Sun, 09-27-2009 - 11:46pm

Oh sweetie, your post brought me out of lurking. This guy is never going to give you more than he is giving you now. He is showing YOU who he really is and it is not good. There are many different types of A's and some are good/fullfilling, but this one is telling you not to expect anything more than he is giving you right now. I would suggest going complete NC on this guy and NO MATTER how much he begs, DO NOT answer his calls if being with him is making you feel this bad. In time you will get over him and realize that he never cared to begin with. Focus your emotional energy on getting over this guy because in the long run you will be a lot better off. My heart goes out to you because I have been there myself.

Have you considered counseling? Some how, this guy figured out what your weaknesses are and he is using them to manipulate you into being with him in the way HE wants you to be with him. Do you want to be treated like this?

Just my 2 cents. Not trying to offend anyone here.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2004
In reply to: jenpilz
Sun, 09-27-2009 - 11:55pm

Hi Jen,


I'm so sorry you are in such anguish. You should know that your AP is the problem. You arent asking too much of him. I know A's are different than a regular R but the things you ask him and wanting him to share his feelings and you wanting to share yours is something any human being would do in any R. It's common sense, it's how we relate and communicate.


Your AP is really pissing me off. He is being such a punk a** about this A. It seems to me that he is really trying to work things out with his W. He seems to be

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2009
In reply to: jenpilz
Mon, 09-28-2009 - 12:26pm

Jen-


You've gotten such great input and advice from posters here and I suggest you start reading Ending an Affair Support as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2009
In reply to: jenpilz
Mon, 09-28-2009 - 12:55pm

Oh boy, I can SO totally relate. My AP

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2009
In reply to: jenpilz
Tue, 09-29-2009 - 10:59am

Thank you all so much for all the support - I read every single thing you all said problably 5 times. I spent a lot of time reading posts on the EAS board and it really helped.


Its so scary that all A sound the same and yet I never though I was in an A - I thought I was meant to be with him, it was real love and we were making it work somehow because life wasnt fair to us...so we were managing to keep up 2 sets of lives while being together too. And now I am reading that everyone felt this way and its just a phase of the A...until the AP shows his true colors.


I am really confused because yes I do KNOW deep in my heart that what he is doing is wrong, etc - but at the same time I cant help but feel maybe I am not being reasonable either. maybe I should be more understanding, less expectations?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2009
In reply to: jenpilz
Tue, 09-29-2009 - 11:07am

Did you read what they wrote on EAS....

If a man really wants to be with you, he would move heaven and earth to make it come true....

I wish i could be of more help. Keep reading on EAS, it's very helpful

hugs

Pages