Affair that possible?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-21-2013
Affair that possible?
Sat, 12-21-2013 - 9:05am

I am new to forums in general but stumbled upon this one and hope that you guys can answer some of my questions as it appears from reading your posts and replies that you give some pretty good advice.  I have been having my first affair and so far it has lasted 6 months.  He has been married for 16 years and me for 28.  Both of us say we have no intention of ever leaving our spouses and I 100% believe that is the case.    

I have grown children, a flexible job and a pretty non-suspecting husband so I am always available to receive his texts, meet up, change my schedule to accomodate his schedule or go with the flow.  I can not be someone I am not even in this affair.  I can't play hard to get and even though sometimes I try not to be too readily available, the suspense kills me when I get his texts, so I read and reply to them right away.  He, on the other hand, has a very demanding job, a 15 yo son and a wife that I don't think is suspicious but he always makes sure he has an alibi...and I know how women are, it wouldn't take much to get him on her radar if something seemed out of place.  So needless to say he is very cautious and communication is extremey limited on evenings and weekends.

We text mostly everyday, sometimes hundreds of times a day depending on his availability.  See each other usually once a week for about an hour or 2 tops for sex in his car when he can leave work early and give excuses at home.  He has gotten us a hotel a couple of times (3 1/2 hrs) and I had access to a friends house for 3 weeks which we were able to use.

Our communications at the beginning were circled around sexual experiences and pictures, videos and anything intimate but after about 3 months of constant communication our conversation barely mention sex but basically everything that is going on in each others lives from spouses work schedules, kids activities, work issues...etc.  I mentioned to him that I notice we don't talk about sex anymore and he said he had realized that recently, but that personally he is happier with our current conversations even though sex stuff is fun to.

I believe our affair has turned into an emotional affair and I am definietly hooked on him.  He told me he never thought he could have something like this.  One night after just meeting for an hour for dinner and drinks, no sex other than a quick kiss and hug in the parking lot, he texted me on the way home that he had fun, I replied I did too and that I thought what we have is perfect and he replied I agree with a smiley face.  I feel like I have fallen in love with him, but keep in mind I have not lost perspective or have any intention of ever leaving my husband or taking him away from his wife....does that sound insane??

I guess why I decided to write to you guys is to help me because I can't help but always look towards the future with this and it breaks my heart to think that I will lose him as a part of my life one day.  We have grown to be great friends, even though we can never tell anyone about this.  In your experience with affairs (physical or emotional) or knowledge of them, am I fooling myself that we can stay this way forever?  These thoughts haunt me constantly and instead of enjoying every second of this affair I can't help but fill myself with anxiety that it is too good to be true and something bad will happen to end it.



iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2013
Wed, 01-01-2014 - 10:11am

'The Dance' is the perfect mindset. My AP is single, and my dream for us is that one day he meet someone wonderful that he wants to be monogamous with. Hopefully we can remain friends after that, but if not, I'd be thrilled to see him happy, and I would make it through. 

You affair could go on for years. The physicality may ebb and flow. You may stay close friends. If you're able to make time now, you'll be able to in the future. Sex in a car may not work when you're older, but you will find other ways. Your sex drives may wane, so that a cheap hotel room once a month will suffice. 

I agree that enjoying it now should be your priority. But you can also fantasize about all the possible outcomes - it's just thoughts. See how they make you feel.