Affair of the heart only-Should I email?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Affair of the heart only-Should I email?
8
Mon, 04-12-2004 - 10:49pm
If you're unfamiliar with my story.. my MM friend and I (MW) have been having one of those "affair of the hearts".. No physical relationship, but a pretty deep emotional/friendship. He was supposed to have visited his hometown last week, and mentioned us getting together for drinks or dinner. I was kind of surprised he wanted to meet up, but not surprised when he never called me! He's done that before... just when we're supposed to meet up, he just plain doesn't call. I think he likes the idea of it (and we get really close, with the flirtations etc., but the reality of it just isn't feasible and he bails).

This time however, I am concerned because the intent of his visit was to visit his very ill mother. I guess it's not my place, really, to be concerned or to want to let him know that I am "here for him", but I would do that for any friend, male or female. I feel like emailing or calling him to see if his Mom is okay - I'm not really interested in why he never called to meet up. I understand he was visiting his family and meeting me is the least of his concerns...

I guess I just shouldn't email him to say anything, and just wait for him to email or call me, right? Any other guy friend, I wouldn't hesitate to email or call, but obviously since I feel attracted to this guy, I feel like I shouldn't do either with him. What the heck is wrong with me? Hoping someone can give me some insight.

The last thing I want to do is annoy or pi$$ him off. If he wants to, he'll get in touch with me I suppose...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2004
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 6:46am
Hi Rhonda,

First off, don't take my advice because I'm mostly just thinking out loud. Second, if I knew what I was talking about, my life would be a whole lot different than it is. So that said...

Affairs of the heart are very special. If they happened to everyone, imagine how happy this world would be! Anyway, you deserve to experience the emotions and joy of this affair in any way that you choose. If expressing your emotions to your lover brings you happiness, then do it. Maybe write the email today. Read it this evening and again tomorrow. And if you think it would bring you jou to send it, do so. You can never control how someone else will react to you. You can only go off your own feelings and hope. They say that life is trial and error. You just never know which one you'll get. However, you always get a "tomorrow" to try again.

They say that time is a good teacher. I have to say, I'm learning at a rapid pace these days! And one thing I've learned is that happiness is fleeting at best, so grab it while it's in front of you and enjoy it to it's fullest. Then go find some more!

Bis

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 8:54am
I'm in an "affair of the heart" too. I understand well the dilemma over whether or not to contact him. Most of the time we email and call each other and there is no issue. But every now and then we'll go through periods where we aren't communicating and I always wonder - should I email? should I call? should I leave him alone? I tend to WAY over think these things.

I would say to go with your heart on this. If you are truly just checking in out of concern for him, I don't see a problem with that. Just keep it simple and caring - no nagging or guilt trips. Then leave the ball in his court and see what happens.

Good luck! Keep us posted!

GB2

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 3:19pm
Well, I emailed him -- and no response yet - it's been a while. Sort of regretting it, but I didn't write anything too prying... So, we'll see. I'm not gonna lose sleep over it!


Hi X,



I just wanted to drop in to say hello. I hope you had a nice holiday and enjoyed your time out here with your family... Also wanted to send you Easter pics (figured you would get a kick out of them.)



Hope all is well & take care,

Rhonda



iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2004
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 3:24pm
hi rhonda and good for you girl!! if you are having an "affair of the heart" why can't you follow your heart and make sure your man is okay, or that his mom is okay?? take back some control of this R and be good to yourself. if MM gets mad/angry at you for being concerned about him, well, that's not a good way to show how much he "cares" for you. so you've done the correct thing and sent a nice, short email with your son's pic and we'll see how MM responds. probably very well and nicely i would think. but at least you aren't sitting around overthinking the situation. you've handled it!!

take care,

life

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 8:15pm
well..thanks everyone for your encouraging words, but he never wrote back. I'm sure I have "crossed the line" at some point and he's had enough. I'm kinda sad, but who knows, maybe some day down the road he'll get in touch. My first instinct (in true female form) is to email and press him - but alas, I will not.

Rhonda

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Tue, 04-13-2004 - 10:16pm
Hey R-

I know how it is to wait and look for an email but you said you'd email any other friend to inquire about a sick mom, etc. So don't treat him any different. I KNOW it's hard- you don't want to get pushy and tick him off- but you are also human with a kind soul. So, my 2 cents? Go ahead and send a 'casual', heartfelt email. Do not mix any R stuff into it. Make it genuine.

Good Luck!! I'll keep reading how things are going for you hon!!!!!

V.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2003
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 9:32am
He wrote back afterall! As it turns out, his sis-in-law's grandmother passed away and he had to help his mom babysit his 7 month old nephew so they could attend the arrangements over Friday and Saturday...

He said he's sorry he didn't call... I was half-hoping it was only that - family obligations that kept him from calling, and also, a bit relieved. If we were to meet up, I'm not sure what I would have said to him after a few to drink! The last time we were out, I was pregnant and couldn't drink. I remember the sexual tension between us and thinking that if I had any even just one glass of wine, I know I would have professed my attraction towards him!

That has yet to happen, so maybe this is all a good thing...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Wed, 04-14-2004 - 11:44pm
YIPPEE, HOORAY!!!!

Glad he made contact with you! I breathed a sigh of relief and felt joy for you also! Again, as others have told me, take it slow and easy. Be genuine- he will love you for that. Patience is a hard thing to have, but I am finding out first hand it is worth it.

Keep me posted!

V.