affair with a married man

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2008
affair with a married man
4
Thu, 12-04-2008 - 5:19pm
I need help....I am about to get into an affair with a man ive known for yrs, we have flirted with each other and talked. Recently we starting texting each other and this has went on for a couple of months, he has been to my house a couple of times. We havent went all the way yet but its going to happen soon. I am in a relationship and he is married. he says he has wanted me for yrs, he has only been married for less than a yr. Should i believe its more than just extra sex for him? I tink i could fall in love very easily with him. I need advice....please
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Thu, 12-04-2008 - 6:16pm
He's been married less than a year? Wow. That says a lot about either the marriage itself or him. How would you feel if you found out your husband of less than a year was cheating on you? My guess is you probably wouldn't feel too good about it. Or how about your BF? What if he were to find out you were unfaithful? Could end your relationship with him. Look, most on here would tell you that even though they are or have been involved in an affair, that doesn't mean it's a good thing or that they would recommend it. You haven't done anything yet. You haven't sealed the deal. And you don't have to. I'm sure it's a big ego boost to know that this guy "wants" you. So what. Lots of people want lots of people. It doesn't mean you have to act on it. Personally, I say pull the plug on that idea. But if you just absolutely cannot control yourself, or don't really want to toe the company line, so to speak, then I say just be real darn careful.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2008
Thu, 12-04-2008 - 6:45pm
Why wait till he's M to let you know how he feels? I wouldn't be impressed if it were me. So what will happen if you develop feelings? He is M. He is NOT available to you or anyone else. Don't jump into this roller-coaster. It's more pain than pleasure and you run the risk of losing yourself and your dignity in the process. If you're not happy with your current R, having an A with a MM is not the answer. So, if you haven't yet, RUN THE OTHER WAY!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2006
Thu, 12-04-2008 - 9:58pm

Prior to starting my A, I came here to talk about the feelings I was having and I got the same advice that you've gotten. People told me to run, not walk, away from the MM I am now having an A with, and they told me that it would only be a painful thing for me to go through even though in the beginning, it would seem great. I, like I'm sure many before me have, did not listen and went ahead with the A anyway. I am M as well and I have A LOT to lose if my H ever finds out about my A. For me, the benefits of being in the A make it worth the risk. My AP gives me something to look forward to when everything about my marriage just makes me want to crawl into a hole and die, and honestly, it keeps me more sane and moderate in my interactions with my H. Right now, I don't regret engaging in my A but it's still early for me and AP so who knows what will happen.


My advice to you is this. Only you know if what you could get out of this potential A is worth the risk. For me, it was. AP always puts my feelings first and really *cares* how I feel and whether or not I'm happy. My H's inability to meet my emotional needs is a big reason why we are unhappy, and I get from AP what I cannot get from him. I have had serious thoughts about leaving my H prior to engaging in my A, and I also don't disillusion myself that AP will leave his W for me if I should become single. He probably

 

 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-04-2008
Thu, 12-04-2008 - 11:06pm
Ty guys, i pretty much got the response i expected. The last guy i was with had an affair and i was crushed, so i cant believe i would even consider doing this to someone else.I have known this guy for yrs and he did let me know he was interested several times, i shrugged it off as a joke and a flirt and never thought more about it till now, even though i have always been attracted to him.i was in a pretty bad relationship and we always talked, he gave me advice and seems to really care about me. Recently i met an older man and never really expected it to go any where, im not interested in him, he is so good to me but i am just not attracted to him.He has fallen in love over the last few months. I dont know what to tell him. I pretty much know this m guy is not going to leave his w for me.He doesnt talk about her other than she is just not what he wants.I dont think its just because its new or forbidden or anything like that, im really nuts for this guy. I know im probably not going to stay in control of the situation, its going to the next step soon, i can feel it. Heres whats really eating me up. I already wonder who else he is talking to or sleeping with.It eats me up to think he is home in bed with w at night,even though he says they havent had sex in months.Im too far in to stop now, how do i cope???