an affair not going anywhere?
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| Tue, 02-09-2010 - 5:02pm |
hi!
Nine years (2001) ago i met again the girl that i really liked.
Prior to that, we knew and liked each other when we were both single, we spent time talking, chatting, and dated a few times. I know deep in my heart that i'm in loved with her and that she's the one, but during those times we're both in a different relationship, that we both ended marrying. Now she's married to Him , and me to another woman (x). A case of best friend not ending with each other.
She has a daughter who's an exceptionally good and talented @ me with a daughter and a son. There's even a time our daughters would go to the same school.
That special moment of 2001 started something that time kept deep within us and we again communicated, dated and cared. I never stop caring for her, wondering what life could've been and happiness that i only felt in her presence.
After a year we begun to be intimate, that i begun to distance myself to my x. In this world, no secret remained secret, especially to the small town we lived and no matter how careful a man can be, there will be lapses.
True to man's advice, never admit if you care for your partner, but in my case, i bravely admitted, no remorse nor 2nd thought, i guess that bit and knocked me from senses that i do not care anymore.
After a year i separated, with me is one of the children, and i never even doubted myself from the time i left x that i was doing the right thing.
I am never selfish, i felt that years after, i can breath and sleep with peace. Friends and family never said a word to my decision because they knew the hell i've gone thru with x.
I've been open and vocal to every body, discreetly, with my status.
Sadly, our affair is now 9 yrs, i am separated, she's not. I always prodded her if she can, always her reason why she can't separate is her daughter.
I have loved, spoiled, pampered and she always said - nobody loved, cared and took care of her like i do but .....
It is true that on my part no contentment can be felt, no complete happiness nor peace of mind can be had if she's with him. even we talked for hours, spend a day or 2 together, Even intimacy last only hours of comfort. Reality always crept that she's not mine.
There will always be something to argue, to misunderstood, and jealous, either from me or her but God knows, i Love her that much that she's the only girl in my life, from morning to evening.
i supported all her needs, from the smallest and basic to her heart's desire. I always checked what is good, what is best and what will make her happy. I adjusted, understood, give time just for her to feel i love her.
Although much can be said from the good that she does, from my moods and jealousy that always come in bundle. From the sorry and apologies and difficulties of living with a husband that she alleged is doing her no wrong and giving her no reason to separate.
It is difficult knowing she spend more time with me, having sex only with me and true happiness from me but she can't leave or separate.
After 9 years even steel gets dull, i'm already doubting her, questioning her intentions, hopeless and helpless to get her.She cannot even give me any plan, timeline or actions that can make me say we're moving.
Pls advise
Edited 2/9/2010 5:08 pm ET by indecentaffair
Edited 2/9/2010 5:08 pm ET by indecentaffair

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it's been a while since i visited this site and i'm elated to see that there are people that read my post.
People who truly understand and accepts the harsh reality.
I'm still in a now more confusing, not contenting EA because i chose to hang on instead of giving up.
I guess from what i read, us, in this kind of A has the same characteristics:
1. We are emotional first than logical
2. We fell for either wrong (person/time/reason)
3. We are hurt, sad and concern with the Future
4. Most of the occasions are celebrated before or after
They may say we are selfish for our happiness is the suffering of a
H/W, child or a family. But how can they say that if being in an EA is more of giving than receiving in our part? More of sacrifice, patience and humility?
In the end, an EA will only end to either we separate or become us after they separate.
ONE THING IS CERTAIN - before WE SUCCEED, THEY HAVE TO FAIL.
"ONE THING IS CERTAIN - before WE SUCCEED, THEY HAVE TO FAIL."
Thats a great way to put it ! Havent 'they' failed already?? They have,else my AP wouldnt be having an A with me :)His M life was/is a mess and no, the A hasent made it better for him either.He misses me when he is with her,a place she calls home is nothing but bricks and cement ,the soul is not there.My AP loves his kids and is stuck.
They went on a week holiday for the kids.My AP was in constant contact with me,even at night.They share a bed in hotel but thats to it.He has to take kids on vacation.I have learnt to accept that in one hotel room if the entire family is staying,mom and dad are not having sex as kids might be awake!! So a vacation which seemed to raise desperation in me is no more now.They always take one room!! they have to,kids are very little to be in separate rooms.
indecentaffair, what are your plans for the future of your A?
Although sometimes, being not successful is not same as failure, it can also be called unperfect marriage.
I'm happy for you doll, it is very seldom that i meet a person who can accept a harsh reality like ours, especially when emotion(jealousy) kicks in.
Although, most of us, we entered in this A, because there is so much love and trust, that we closed our eyes to the norms and values that we learned when we were young.
We all do want a time when we can say we have "our own". A H/W not just an AP, a marriage, not an A, a home, not a house. These things + love made us go on in spite of uncertainties.
In answer to your question - what are my plans?
For my part, i still wish i'll have those our own thing.
I still want for the A to work out( i'll be out of A had i not)
All my part, share and expectation - i'm still willing to do.
Hope - huh- i think it is that hope that almost already left me.
i'm not sure if the sequence is right, FAITH HOPE DISAPPOINTMENT.
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