An Affair ~ Sort of

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2008
An Affair ~ Sort of
11
Sat, 11-29-2008 - 1:13am

***NOTE: I am cross-posting a similar message on the Taboo Board, so thanks in advance for suggestions to post there.***

Hi All,

I'm new to this board and to the world of Affairs. I am a 34 y/o married mom of a young son. DH and I have been married for 6 years, but together for 16 total (started dating as teenagers). The M has been virtually sexless for the past few years. In the past, we've had sex if I initiated it, but lately DH absolutely refuses my touch. When I complained about lack of sex, he told me to go and have an affair if I was so interested in sex! Not only has he distanced himself physically, he has distanced himself emotionally as well. He refuses to talk to me about anything, unless it relates to our son. We are not even civil to each other anymore.

I know that most people will tell me to divorce him. I would, but that is so much easier said than done, especially with a small child involved. He is a great dad and actually helps out around the house, but he has made it clear that he does not want a "relationship" with me ~ will not talk about anything, will not make plans, etc.

My main problem is that I miss sex. I had limited sexual experience before the marriage, and now regret it, as I do not even have happy memories of sex to sustain me. I can handle the emotional abandonment in my marriage, but the lack of a physical relationship is killing me! I know that some people can live without sex, but it's all that I think about lately. It has become a major distraction for me.

In my frustration with my sex life, I signed up on a swinger's website, in the hopes of meeting a single male or a male (with his wife's permission) to explore my needs with. Well, I found a couple that I really like. This is not a threesome, but I will get to know the husband a little better, while his wife gets better acquainted with a friend of theirs. We plan to meet (just to talk), and if there is chemistry, we will meet again on two additional occasions. This is mainly due to geographic constraints. I have no intention of getting emotionally involved with this man or his wife.

I am all up for having this "fling", but have not told DH. I know that he will use this against me if ever we do get divorced. A "friend" from the swinger's message board ~ who is trying to have a fling with me ~ warned me against having a fling like this. (I am not bisexual, but she's trying to convince me to be - yeah, right!) I am not certain if she said this because she is jealous that I haven't set up a relationship with her, or if she said it out of concern. She will not give specifics about why she thinks I will regret this decision. BTW, this is a woman who gets jealous if I do not have time to talk to her for extended periods of time online.

Does anyone have any experience with having a fling with a swinger? I really want to go ahead with this, but would like to know other people's experiences.

Thanks!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-05-2007
Tue, 12-02-2008 - 9:38am
That's how my affair started.

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