Affair vs. Relationship

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Affair vs. Relationship
Thu, 08-16-2012 - 10:36pm

I went to a psychic, who told me my AP would not be leaving his wife (anytime soon). She went into details of thier relationship...details I didn't know. I shared it with him and he agreed with the psychic. What I wasn't wanting is him agreeing that he would not leave the marriage. Our conversation included how much he loves me and how he hates not being with me. It also included his admission that he is not giving me the relationship that I want and that he doesn't want to be the one tht holds me back from having what I want. He said that he wants me to tell him if I can't do this anymore...I agreed. He said you ask me what I want ...if i want it to end...he says no...he is scared of losing me but feels selfish.


I guess I knew that I was second...but now I guess I have to accept this...I was hoping he would say he would figh for us. It hurts so much to love someone so much, admire them, want to be with them in everyway and know they are more committed to a person who gives them none of those feelings. Why is this?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2010
Fri, 08-17-2012 - 12:59pm

Hi Singlegirl,

I could of told you that he wasn't leaving his wife, it didn't take a Psychic to tell you that one. He's not leaving her because he's not fed up and there hasn't been enough unhappiness in him to walk out just yet. He's not going to uproot his life to be with you or any1 else that he comes across. He enjoys you and what you both have but don't try to read anymore into it. It is, what it is and its good to know that you accept this realization. He doesn't want to lose you and yes he is being selfish but aren't we all? It's all part of the Affair territory.

You want him to fight for you but what exactly do you mean? You want him to leave his wife? If so than your in for one heck of a ride. You love and admire him in every way but you really don't know his true feelings for his only know what he tells you.

Wishing you all the best!



Much peace & Love,



iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2010
Sun, 08-19-2012 - 2:22pm
SG, I'm sure that what you are posting is what my SM had to deal with for so long. I'm M and he is a SM. although he was able to handle things as they were with me and my commitments with my kids(under 15) , he still always longed for having someone to come home to. It finally took a toll on him and we are over hurts terribly but in my heart I know he deserved more than I can give him. He always kept busy when my schedule kept me from spending time with him, he has a social group he hangs with ,a motorcycle group he rides with and is always doing something fun outdoors, weather permitting , and has a small handy man business, but at the end of the day he went home alone. I know he would have loved that I fight for him , as you are saying but he also knew I would not leave my M so he knew that from day one. Knowing early on doesn't make it any easier though. I know he wanted me to leave to be with him. But that was never my plan. When it got to be too much for him finally, I had to let him go. Why would I fight to keep him in a relationship with me when he was silently suffering? I love him too much and as much as I miss him and love him,I know it was the right thing. I hope you can get a grip on the fact that he is happy enough in his M to not plan on leaving and you can accept things as they are.....until you can't anymore and only you will know when that is, best of luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-26-2010
Wed, 08-22-2012 - 8:27am
Sometimes men don't want to end the relationships , because they don't want to be the bad guy, non-bad guys will self sacrifice and will hold on and on.