Affair w/ Co-worker?
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| Fri, 01-02-2004 - 1:14pm |
My MM and I were friends who flirted (he flirts with everyone) for a few years. The last couple of months things heated up and we are now having an A (not sleeping together though). So far we have mostly spent time together at work, but I found out right before Christmas Break from one of my friends that people are starting to ask questions about us. I guess I have been spending way too much time in his office, but it's not like we're in there fooling around(that's only been a couple of times). We're usually just hanging out talking (after school is out for the day by the way - no tax payer dollars being wasted with socializing) and there are almost always other people in there.
I'm frustrated because this is one of the only places where I can see him and it bothers me that we have to stop spending so much time together because people are gossiping about something they have no proof of. Of course, he does point out to me that they are right in their gossip. :-)
Sorry if I sound a little pouty/whiny. We have tried to get together outside of work, but it's extremely difficult.
Any suggestions for how to handle the gossip mill?

Are there like too many "lost" themes here??
MM and I have discussed "cooling it" for a while to tone down the rumors, but it's hard. We have not been able to do this. We have been lucky enough to be able to work on projects together that require a lot of "alone time." Sometimes, it's not all kissing and touching, but intense flirting and brushing of hands, shoulders, etc. Sometimes that is enough to sustain us.
I really don't know what to do as far as advice goes. MM and I try to always have the door to his office open and will kiss behind it for about a minute while he "gets his coat." What can I say? A's are hard. If people are truly your friends, they will not believe the rumors, even if there really is something going on. It's the people that need "drama" in their lives that will believe.
Both MM and H like cars, so on occasion in mixed company, I've said things like, "oh, you have to call my H tonight, he's got those prices you need for the parts for the car you are trying to remodel." MM never missed a beat and went along with what I was saying. Translation? You can't be having an A with someone if you speak to their H about cars.
The other thing I can tell you is DENY EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!! TRUST NO ONE!!!!!!!!!!!! Not even if you think they are a good friend and will keep your secret. In an A, no one is trustworthy. (and besides, it could accidently slip at that office party when having too much to drink!)
I hope I've helped somewhat. Good luck.
There are those who will gossip no matter what. And well, oh well!! It's been two years almost since it began, I'm thinking we've become a boring topic and they mostly moved on. We do try to be as discreet as possible. We do most of our talking on the phone, and I do have the luxury of us having *lunch* at my place at least once a week.
Oh, I'm pretty sure alot of people have it figured out, or think they do. But really to my mind, I think that if we totally stopped talking it would be more of a flag than anything.
Just remember that unless someone is in your shoes, they don't really know anything. And of course, as everyone else has said....deny, deny, deny!!!!!
CFH
Anyway, I've learned to ignore the rumors. At first they bothered me (perhaps because nothing was going on between us), but now I don't care. People are going to think what they want, no matter what the actual truth is. And, it really isn't anyone else's business. You are supposed to go to work to do your job....not audition for a part in some twisted soap opera (this is how I perceive those involved in the rumor mill to be....so desperately wanting to be involved in something thats even remotely exicting...but that's just my opinion...and yes, I am guilty for listening in on the rumors about others that my girlfriends share with me).
Just my take on the whole issue.
Annika
Brightest Blessings, Annika
I'm afraid this is going to end our relationship. He told me during the argument that he is miserable at home (which I already knew) and that if he did not have children he would leave. I too am miserable at home but am not ready to go yet. I do not have any "expectations" as far as his leaving. We enjoy the time that we get together. Its the period of time immediately after that is tough to deal with. I never know when I am going to get to see him. He is all I think about
Watch you step.
FREE
OM kissed me (on the lips! Even though I turned my cheek) on NY Eve about an hour after midnight, since we were working at 12am. This was right in the middle of where I work, and that did become an issue when a co-worker saw and guessed something was up. I denied all I could, and explained it away as "tradition" but he just *knew*....he has also been pretty discreet, and AFAIK, no one else knows.
I have been very lucky so far; we can steal kisses sometimes in the one hallway w/o a camera, and he comes over to my place about once a week. If we're really lucky, we get in a good chat at work and if I'm having a bad day, just doing that makes me feel so much better. I'm guessing the longer it lasts, the more gossip will spread, but until then, I'm just enjoying it. I agree with what everyone said--DENIAL is a great thing...remember that people WILL talk, and you have to learn to let it go (as my OM says) like water off a duck's back. Good luck! :)