After 4 years, we slip up...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
After 4 years, we slip up...
13
Tue, 01-06-2009 - 3:50pm
It has been so long since I have been on the board. During the beginning of my A I stopped by this board a lot. There were just so many emotions that I didn’t know how to deal with. The board and the wonderful people were a God send. I actually met two wonderful people on this board that I am still friends with, one friend for over 4 years and another about a year!

So anyway, a little about me. I am M and have been in an A with a MM for 4 years. We have been very consistent over the years with a couple of bumps along the road, but that was in the most early stages. We cherish our friendship and I would say that for the most part, I have zero complaints with MM. We both actually love our spouses and have no desire to leave our marriages. He has children and I do not. We just truly have an amazing chemistry that we stopped denying and continue to enjoy.

So my purpose for posting today. We had a slip up a couple of weeks ago, and a close friend of ours has come across something that is VERY incriminating. Now I cannot post the nature of this incident as this is entirely too public of a forum for such details, who knows who could be reading this. But we are both pretty freaked out. Now this friend confronted MM, but has no CLUE I could be the other party involved. So we are trying to keep it that way. I really don’t know how to handle it and for the first time I am worried about being exposed.

MM and I are freakishly careful. We NEVER send incriminating e-mails, work only. Nor do we ever send text messages or VM’s that are not on the up and up. We only talk during business hours or when there is a legitimate reason for a call such as friends getting together which will include our spouses.

I know that you folks really can’t give advise because you don’t know the situation, but I guess I just need a little support. I worry about this friend telling his W because they too are friends. This friend knows that MM and his wife used to have a lot of problems in their marriage, but now they are doing well. I hate that he has to take the brunt of this. But there is really nothing I can do. I know it sounds terrible, but the reality is, that we are both happy in our marriages. We know what we are, and we keep it in perspective. We embrace the nature of our relationship, we are dear friends with an amazing sexual chemistry.

Thanks for letting me babble… I needed it!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-25-2007
Tue, 01-06-2009 - 6:05pm

Wow...I feel your pain. We weren't four years into our A, but we have been friends for longer than that and being faced with the reality that it could have to end is horrifying.


I am so sorry that this happened. It must be killing you to kind of sit by while AP has to have the awkward conversations and deal with it on his end. Hopefully the friend will have some discretion and let your AP "work it out" on his own without telling the W.


Keep us posted. We'll be thinking about you. (((HUGS)))

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Tue, 01-06-2009 - 6:25pm

Thanks for replying. I am on pins and needles trying to get work done and all I can do is imagine what he is dealing with. It makes me so sad. I can only hope that he is able to defuse the situation.

Keeping my fingers crossed---Smitten

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-2006
Tue, 01-06-2009 - 11:29pm

Smitten,


I don't have much advice for you since I don't know the situation..just wanted to say hi because I remember you from the "old days". I guess with every A there is always the chance for discovery and a

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2008
Wed, 01-07-2009 - 10:56am
We didn't slip up but somebody called us on it this week and it has AP freaked out.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Wed, 01-07-2009 - 11:27am

Thought I would give an update on the situation. Last night was terrible for AP. Our friend flat out called him out and asked him "Are you having an A?" Of course he did the right thing and denied, denied and denied a bit more, but didn't go over the top. The friend didn't mention my name nor do I think they have an indication it is me. But I am spending time with her later in the week, so maybe she will say something then.

I just feel terrible for him. She mentioned his wife many times during the conversation. And now he is terrified she may do something stupid. I personally think this will blow over, but until then it is so stressful to deal with.

I had so many thoughts running through my head last night. Worried this could end up leading to D-Day. I couldn't stop thinking about the pain it would cause for all of us. And the worst part is that I still don't want to stop seeing him. But it would kill me to hurt my H too. I guess I am just a very selfish person...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Wed, 01-07-2009 - 11:32am
I remember you too! Thanks for taking the time to reply. I am still pretty sick to my stomach today. You can always shoot me an e-mail through my profile.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Wed, 01-07-2009 - 4:44pm

oh babe. it's something we all know can happen but hate to admit ...

i am so hoping this "friend" does not know it is you and will not try to mess with AP's marriage. then the two of you have to take it from there. no one but another person who is MW/MM in stable relationships will understand how that works.

i'm glad you could come back from the past,
Mrs.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2007
Wed, 01-07-2009 - 5:21pm

Hi there SKitten-


Hoping that things settle down for you and that this friend keeps whatever she knows, or thinks she knows, to herself.


But yours is a good reminder to everyone to be constantly vigilant - you just never know.

lightning in my heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 9:46am
How are you?? Haven't chatted with you in a while. It's good to "see" you here today. Are you still in the same situation?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2005
Thu, 01-08-2009 - 9:50am

It's so nice to see some familiar faces around here! Sometimes when you are in an A for as long as 4 years, you feel like you are the only one out there. Looks like I have more company than I thought I would.

Well, MM is still sweating bullets over our friend. They didn't speak yesterday, but she did call me. She said nothing about the situation but we are getting together over the weekend, so maybe she is waiting until then. I guess we will find out!

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