Agreed on no contact for two weeks....yikes!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-31-2006
Agreed on no contact for two weeks....yikes!
Tue, 07-09-2013 - 12:40pm

Hi there-

AP is on vacation in France with his wife.  I'm basically ok with this as I know the trip was planned a year before he even met me and we have done a lot to reassure each other before this trip started that our connection is strong and we'll be fine.   The first week of his trip he was alone in England visiting family, and I heard from him daily (emails every morning).  Then I realized that the part of the trip was approaching when she would join him, and they'd head off for France.  I sent him an email telling him I think we should have NC, or very little contact, for that period.  I did that partially out of respect for the vacation (how could he possibly enjoy it while worrying about me over here?), and also because I want to remember what it is like to be without him as such a constant thing in my life.  He was ok with it, said he respected me for the request, and looked forward to reconnecting.

I'm doing ok with it, although sometimes doubt creeps in when I imagine them sitting in some sidewalk cafe, etc. etc.  But then I stop and pinch myself and remind myself that she is not me, and there's no way he's not thinking about me during this.

This whole AP going on vacation thing is tough.  How do you guys handle it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-12-2005
Fri, 07-19-2013 - 11:19pm

My AP never went on vacation with her during our A, but to me it's not much different from them doing any fun activity, which happened almost every week. And I imagined them happy and having fun, and he would reassure me that he was thinking of me, missing me, imagining me in her place, etc. until it sunk in. When you think of it, if you were in his place, you would think of the person you're in love with even if you had fun. But it's hard. So yes, the best thing to do is to chase away happy images of them. He's on vacation, yet he takes time to write to you, it means something. Sorry, I don't know more about your story, but if he showed you his love, then the only thing you can do is trust it.

But at the same time, if you're single, don't forget to pay attention to other men, flirt, go on dates, and in general have fun. It helps.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2009
Tue, 07-09-2013 - 6:33pm

Hi Pacsnow, my AP went on vacation for 18 days in June and we were NC for the whole time...he went to France too! :-) I coped by keeping busy, seeing friends, catching up on all the jobs that get put off because I've spent the time emailing him when I should be doing them, lol!

I've had five years of coping so should be used to it by now but I still have 'it should be/I wish it was me with him' consolation is that he takes me away for a couple of days to a 'nice' hotel either before or as soon afterwards as possible because he misses me very much while he's away. :-)