AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
5
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 4:12pm
Help me!!!!! I just got an email from this guy's girlfriend but I'm not even doing anything with him. Yes, I'm attracted to him and he to me but we've never touched, ever. Last night was the first time that we even discussed (via msn messenger) that we were attracted to each other. Anyway, we've been emailing each other for awhile and I assumed that his email was his email because he never told me any different. So this morning, I emailed him and told him to double check that our conversation wasn't logged on his computer somewhere so that his g-friend wouldn't find it. Well, looks like she found that email. She wrote to me saying that it's not the first time, blah, blah, blah, and that she's done with him.

Help!!! What do I do?? Do I respond? I don't know!!!! I'm so worried that she's going to call here and then I'll have to deal with my husband.

Please, please, help!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: nswoman
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 4:27pm
hey nswoman, obviously she found one email message, maybe more, and that he hasn't been honest about the safety of his email account. whatever. you haven't done anything except express your attaction to him. if his gf is going off the deep end over just that, then obviously she doesn't trust him and is checking up on him.

don't reply at all to gf, OM. in fact, block them if you can. and besides, what are you going to say -- "hi, just chatting with your bf, it's really nothing." just let it go. his gf has enough on her hands without trying to butt into your life and "tell" your H.

in case anything gets back to H, deny it all. it was just conversation, nothing more!

and next time you correspond with someone, make sure nothing "incriminating" gets into writing. ask questions, like who has access to this account or cellphone, or whatever.

be careful in the future.

gurl

Avatar for nomoreregrets
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
In reply to: nswoman
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 6:04pm
Well, I have to say if it were me. I would respond to her e-mail and apologize to her. Sounds like you both deserve a better guy in your lives. Believe it or not but many years ago. I had some similar happen to me. I contacted the girl and We have been friends ever since. The guy is gone! Just my 2 cents! NMR
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
In reply to: nswoman
Thu, 10-16-2003 - 11:53pm
I thought his email was safe.....and he did too. He came to see me briefly tonight after all hell broke loose at his house. It's such a long story and I've been off and on this board for months. It's the same guy but nothing ever has happened between us. But it's been getting more intense everytime we're together and there was some very open, very sexual flirting last night on the messenger chat. That's why I emailed him today because I forgot to tell him to erase his conversation history. Then I went on to ask him why he considered his relationship with his girlfriend to be "good" if he had tried to pick up a girl at the bar about 6 months ago......yeah, this is the email that she found.

I just emailed her back because I feel so horrible. I am not trying to break anybody up and this wasn't the way it was supposed to go. I apologized to her and tried to explain to her that she was reading the email way out of context. I told her that he's never been unfaithful to her with me and that I'm not chasing him and he's not chasing me. We're friends and I like to talk to him. I asked her not to judge him based on one email and to reconsider before throwing away 3.5 years of a relationship.

I don't know what to expect. I don't think that she'll call here. She doesn't know me and doesn't have my last name (I hope!!). I just so wasn't prepared for this!! I would have been more ready to handle this if I had actually done something wrong! Oh well...you guys warned me there would be ups and downs....I just didn't think they would happen before the A actually started!

Thanks for your input!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2003
In reply to: nswoman
Fri, 10-17-2003 - 9:37am
I know it's not always as cut and dried as this, but you don't owe her anything, do you? It doesn't sound like you two were friends prior to your attraction to OM. You are not responsible for soothing her feelings about her BF's potential infidelity - HE is.

And FWIW, at least with the latest version of MSN Messenger, users have the option of not recording *any* chat history. Just uncheck the box ;-)

 

ItalianPisces

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2003
In reply to: nswoman
Fri, 10-17-2003 - 10:52am
Thank you again for your input and opinions!! It's so nice to be able to come here and talk about this because I have no one else that I could even come close to telling this story to!! You're right, I don't know his gf....I wouldn't even know her if she was right in front of me. I know I shouldn't feel responsible but I can't help feeling that I just screwed up his life. He emailed me this morning and thanked me for emailing her but said that he was the one who left his inbox open when he went to work (really smart!! lol) and that this is just a new issue in a whole history of problems in their relationship. He said it's stuff that they've never dealt with and now he's being forced to deal with it all. I have no idea if they are ok or not. I emailed him back and told him that the ball's in his court and I'm stepping back until he tells me otherwise.

Thank you again for having this board and this place to come to!!! It is a welcome place of release!!!

hugs

nsw