All I think is OK but......

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
All I think is OK but......
6
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 5:35pm
I have to overthink don't I?? It is that time of the month for me and I am feeling just a tad sensitive... AGAIN. I know I probably sound like a cry baby but maybe I need one of you slap me in the face to wake me up. As a lot of you know I emailed OM on Monday about my feelings for him. I didn't get heavy just reminded him of what he told me in Jan (He had deep feelings for me) said I hoped he still felt that way and that I felt the same way. I told him that I have just sat back and enjoyed what he has given me ( the song that reminds him of me as well) and I told him there were songs that reminded me of him too.

I also told him that i was disappointed the day he told me on the phone he was going away with the family for two weeks instead of staying here like he thought he would, I wasn't mad about it (its for business so thats ok but doesn't make it easier).

Well he didn't respond and I called the next day for other reasons (really i did) and he SAID he was about to call me ..he WANTED me. we didnt' discuss the email. But I talked to him today too and wanted to be with him, but he is too busy ... again. I couldn't on Tues because I was at the office (for a change) working. ANYWAY, we still haven't talked about it at all and he hasn't emailed back with his thoughts. I didn't say anything either way to respond or not, but I would have responded by email to him. Why do you guys think he wouldn't respond? We had a nice coversation today sexy and otherwise, but as long as we were on the phone he didnt' mention it! I don't get it.

Anyone thoughts on this? I know some of you have done this ... how long did it take for him to mention it?

dd

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-10-2004
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 7:39pm
My MM has done the same thing in the past...'ignored' an email that was an obvious attempt on my part to get him to open up. He also didn't mention it during subsequent phone calls. I was in a quandry as to whether to call and ask him point blank about it, or send another email. In the long run I decided not to press the issue, but we were still emailing and his messages had changed in tone. I made a comment in one of mine that let him know I was sensing subtle changes...but it was a read-between-the-lines sort of comment. He picked up on it, and finally acknowledged it. He said that I was indeed picking up on a subtle change from him and he called and we talked.

What he told me was that he takes much longer to process things like that than I do. He felt more comfortable mulling it around in his head until he figured out how he felt and what he wanted to do. He is one I am learning NOT to rush...he tends to shut down when pressed for conversations that he isn't ready for. He does talk when he is ready. Women tend to process these things much more quickly I think, and it is hard for us to understand why our men don't. Not a blanket statement, but I think often true.

I guess if I were you I would give it a few days. You will feel when the time is right to bring it up. My guess is that he will find a way to respond in time. If things don't change in the next few weeks and you don't get together, then I would email him and ask how he is feeling about what you said. Nine times out of ten if I let things take their own course and don't force the issue, I find I was unecessarily worked up...just me over analyzing and obsessing.

Not sure if all of this made sense, but I hope things turn around soon!

Billie

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Thu, 05-20-2004 - 7:45pm
Thanks billie

yeah I won't say anything about it. We haven't been face to face yet, so maybe when we are together he might. Last time we were together I started talking about business (yeah i know , i said we wouldn't talk business with our clothes off LOL) and he said he didn't come there to talk business. Not sure if he wanted to talk and couldn't or not, we just kept looking at each other in the eyes and stroking each others hair and face. But we didnt' talk a lot that time either. I have a tough time figuring him out.

thanks I will take it slow and not press

dd

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-30-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 7:52am
My MM does that too. There have been several times I've had emailed him or left him a message only to not hear back from him in a timely fashion. I usually call him on it and ask if he got it and why no response. He knows that is a pet peeve of mine. It is usually very innocent on his part. He was busy at work or didn't check his VM's yet. Or sometimes he just didn't respond b/c he didn't get to it. I hate that b/c I always feel like I have time to respond but I don't think guys think like that. They don't realize we wait for the response right then and there. They also don't always feel everything needs to be discussed. I am sure everythign is fine!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 9:30am
Amen to what billie and briatan said, my MM is the same, he will "ignore" an email with an "issue" in it and then three dates later casually bring up what was written, in some roundabout way, and give his answer/reaction. This holds true both for good issues and bad issues. It's like he does not want to be pressed to address the matter right then and there. But if I never bring it up, or never ask if he read the email, he will ALWAYS come out with it eventually. The first time I told him I loved him it was kind of a footnote buried in a big email. He had no reaction at all for a couple weeks, so I came to assume, he just missed it/wasn't reading carefully. Then one day we were sitting in the car (i.e., not face to face, because he had to keep his eyes on the road) and he said out of the blue "you know, the deal was, we were not supposed to fall in love". I knew he was talking about the email. So I said "that was your requirement, not mine". He just nodded and said, "cha" (gotcha). That was all that was ever said on the matter for months and months.

Just because he doesn't comment doesn't mean it didn't sink in. :)

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 9:46am
Bare

Yeah it was like no response at ALL then the phone call (he still insists he was just ABOUT to call me when I called). I guess I am anxious to be alone with him again, not for just the obvious reasons, but because I am hoping we can talk - about the email and other things. I guess I feel totally out of control when it comes to him. I remember that being one of the reasons I married my H, I felt more in control because of the fact that I percieved him as loving me more than I loved him, not a great chance of being hurt there. So now with mm I feel so drawn to him that I guess I want him to treat me the way I treat him. But he isn't ME. So I have to come to understand that and accept it.

sigh way too much drama in my life right now

dd

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 1:49pm
My MM just eluded to something on Monday in "the email" I sent back in April when I told him about being sick and that I could not make a business trip. He asked, out of the blue, "did the case you were so worried about end up O.K. even though you weren't there to take care of it yourself?" He knows I was not there because of surgery, yet has NEVER talked directly about it. So, yes- things DO sink in to their heads.

Not sure if he is testing the waters here or not with how much he wants to know about my cancer or if he maybe really cares and this is the round about way to find out????