To all the men here...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2009
To all the men here...
18
Sat, 02-07-2009 - 6:20am

I've noticed there are a few of you here, and would love to find out from you how it feels to be the man in the affair. Especially the married ones.


We seem to spend a lot of time bagging the men in the affairs who never contact us, dump us, use us etc etc etc. But if you are a married man in an affair.... what's your side of the story??


Do you miss you affair partners every day, like us women do?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2009
Sat, 02-07-2009 - 2:29pm
Yes, I lurk here alot..From a guy's perspective, I have been having affair for over two yrs now..Had a D-day last year and we kept seeing each other..I think of her every hr or every day..I am getting divorced soon, but i am also trying to better my life too..got a job now and new place to live..she is working on getting out of her M , but her and H are so far in debt that they need to fix finances before they can get D..they have talked about it extensively and he's even been to parent counseling, that you have to complete before state will even allow petition. She and I meet up a few times a week, sometimes have sex and sometimes just talk...We both know our M's are over, but she is having a really hard time with the guilt now...has mixed feelings about having sex with me even though it feels so great she says...I try to give her some space, but we are so intertwined in each others lives, talking everyday and best friends. So hard to not want to be with her every minute but this has been going on so long that i guess i'm just used to it now...the emotions are so up and down and i just want normal with her someday, but we both feel like we did it all wrong and will always have this affair hanging over our head...that will always be the reason spouses will think that marriages ended. I think it was just a symptom of the failure that was there all along..just made us more aware and we found each other realized what we were missing intimately.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-06-2007
Sat, 02-07-2009 - 2:35pm

I miss her every single day -- we're in a LD affair, see each other once every few months, but talk/IM almost every week-day.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-25-2009
Sat, 02-07-2009 - 4:12pm
Yes NY I am in love with my AP and she is with me..we tell each other everyday and when we see each other. we want to be together too, but both still M and we get down about our situations and not being able to leave yet, be it either money or illness or whatever. So yes I cherish the fact that my life is richer and i finally experience incredible love, sex and passion..
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2009
Sat, 02-07-2009 - 6:40pm

Thanks guys, I really appreciate your insight.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2009
Sun, 02-08-2009 - 1:37am

WOW, that was a GREAT question to pose to the males on here, and it was truly a breath of fresh air to hear from men that are in it for more than physical gratification.

My AP says that he feels like the men that responded to this thread, and to hear from them that they experience much of what we females do, was great reassurance for me. Thank you bewitched, and the men that were open about their true feelings.

Justice

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2009
Sun, 02-08-2009 - 7:54am

"heres my story its sad but true about a girl that I once knew.... she took my love........." I just like the song no correlation ........ So my story - it started simple - I was kind of lonely and missing something... (yes i am married - happy for the most part)....... call it passion, excitement - maybe a lack of timing - so on my journey (like Don Quioxte sans Sanch Panza)..... a sojourn of self discovery - by chance encounter - sheer luck - maybe destiny - i will even venture that it had to be fate - I met the most beautiful I have ever met since the 6th grade..... we went out to have fun (yes she is married)........ a drink... share a laugh... nothing serious..... lite..... I don't know what happened - once we laid eyes on each other the universe unfolded ......... and in a short period (3 months) we fell in love (nice and sweet)..... so my side of the story - all complications and notwithstanding the obvious - she is the most wonderful I have ever met - sweet, smart, sexy, and fun........ a great person...

We talk on the phone for hours (I would compare it to a high school romance - except we are from different towns) we are both the same age about a month apart........ we speak often, e-mail often, see each other maybe once a week or every other week.... she is the first person I never have to lie to, fib to, I can be myself and be honest and she is with me...... we both have had past relationships.... where you find yourself settling (I wont speak for her).... I am not settling and i am honest with her and with myself...... I am in love with her... she takes a backseat to no one, life is complex and interesting.......... she has my heart... I love her... as the wiseguys say in Brooklyn before they whack you "it is what it is...I see us together a long time as unorthodox as it sounds....." I hope this answers your question - Woodrow

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2008
Sun, 02-08-2009 - 9:56am
Great question bewitched.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2008
Tue, 02-10-2009 - 9:54am

But if you are a married man in an affair.... what's your side of the story??


Hi Bewitched88 I am a married man in a 3 + year A.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2007
Tue, 02-10-2009 - 11:43am
it's nice to read that men have just as much feelings as women. at times affairs can be hard on the heart.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2008
Tue, 02-10-2009 - 12:14pm

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