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| Thu, 12-31-2009 - 3:02pm |
Hi Everyone,
Happy New Years! Hope this new year brings hope, love, good health and perspective to all of us! I have found myself trying to deal with too many emotions on too many fronts. I started a supposed FWB in the fall (even though we had talked last Spring about getting together) and I thought we had it all figured out and all was good. I have not heard from him in awhile. This is not uncommon but upsetting when I wish him a Merry Christmas and get nothing in return. I go back to his state in about a month and will end up seeing him (if I chose) at his work (restaurant/bar). He does not do this to be mean as he he doesn't have a mean bone in his body. He is S and younger and I understand if he has second thoughts but he never talks about much. He is quiet and trying to get anything out of him is like pulling teeth. He isn't much for socializing anyway except with his few friends although put him behind the bar and it is different. He came on to me and I find it so frustrating because why bother if you come on strong then back off (his MO). I guess it has been hurtful to me that he cannot even feel enough to wish me a Merry Christmas. I do like him and felt we had a perfect arrangement (according to him it was good too).
Since I have not heard from him, I went on AM and have met a guy who seems to be a good possibility. My problem is I still like the SM. I liked that we met in person, talked and liked each other. I like that he is REAL and does not lie or make things up. He told me up front how he felt (the little he does say) and I enjoy talking and being with him.
AM is more difficult because you don't know much about the person and have to meet face to face and get to know each other.
I feel like I am looking for attention or need it for some reason but not sure why. At times I feel like I don't want to do this and other times feel so desperately like I want to feel wanted and sexual again. Anyone else relate to this? The SM just makes me feel so bad where the AM guy, although married and busy gives me time and messages me online even it's a quick hello. Why can't the SM just say hi? I don't get it and Ive told him I want nothing more than FWB and he seemed relieved about that. What gives?

Honestly . . . when I read your post I wonder if you're not having FWB with my XH, lol. He is a bar owner (works behind the bar about 4-5 nights a week) and definitely the type to not communicate much/enough.
Anyway, I was married to him for three years, so I understand how bad it feels when the person you want to be with doesn't give enough to make you feel appreciated. There's really no cure for that kind of feeling bad. Where you and he have agreed to keep it FWB I don't know if my advice really applies, but I would tell you to talk to him about it. Just tell him that wanting a text here or there, or an answer to your phone call is not asking for much. If he can't give just a little more than what he's giving now, you have to ask yourself if you can get past his shortcomings and continue the interaction. I know how hard that can be, and I know it's not an easy decision.
p.s. good girl its NOT your husband lol hes a bachelor and never been married in his 30's. Maybe that says it all. Get the feeling he doesn't date girls much.