All of a Sudden I'm Doubting Him

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
All of a Sudden I'm Doubting Him
11
Sat, 06-05-2010 - 3:26pm

And I can't even pinpoint why!


We've had a couple of brief conversations after our big "talk" the other night, but nothing significant.

anotherseyes

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2008
Sat, 06-05-2010 - 3:42pm

Hi anotherseyes,

I don't mean to be critical, so please don't take this the wrong way, but I think you send him waaaay too many messages. If he does not reply back immediately, you send him another, and then another more desperate message and then yet another..

It might give off the vibe that you are very desperate and have no life on your own/nothing better to do than wait for his text. Guys (or girls for that matter) can get turned off if someone is too intense.. With texts for example, I often don't reply for a day, because I get too busy etc. and reversely, I would not expect anyone to text me back within a few hours... If they dont respong for a few days, then I would start thinking what is going on, but definitely no sooner than that..

I would try to relax if I were you and set a rule that once you send him a text message it is HIS turn, and do not contact him again, wait till he gets back to you. Otherwise you give out the signal that you are clingy, completely all over him, and there is no challenge in the relationship whatsoever. Try to get busy and show him that even though you love him, you have a life of your own.

Good luck hon!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Sat, 06-05-2010 - 5:42pm

Thank you for your response, and I didn't find it critical at all.


Probably 75% of our communication is via text, so there's often messages going back and forth.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2008
Sat, 06-05-2010 - 6:01pm

Good luck girl, be strong!!:-) It makes sense that you guys have your own 'texting pace' and if he does not follow the usual timing of the reply, that can be anxiety provoking. I know exactly that gut wrenching, heart pulling, stomach hurting feeling that you feel when you are worried about them, trust me!! When I get into that state, I try to follow these 3 simple rules (that I recently came up with by the way:-)

1, If anything happened to him, calling him will not help anyway, you can't prevent the disaster. No point in calling (or texting, or whatever :).

2, If he does want to call you but can't right now for some reason, he will eventually when he can. In that case wait it our, let him chase you. No point in calling.

3, If for some reason he does not want to call, calling him will just make things worse. Giving him distance is the best in this case. yet again, no point in calling.

Hang in there hon, I am with you!;-)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Sat, 06-05-2010 - 9:51pm

So pretty much the rule of thumb when in doubt is no point in calling?

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2010
Sat, 06-05-2010 - 10:38pm

HI guys


I completely agree- learnt the hard way to stop texting so much. But also I have started keeping a journal about our relatiohsip to sort my feelings out and when I read back I can see how manic the texting would 'seem' to him.


Its awful to look back on , but when I do I can honestly say that if I had been him- my constant texting would be giving me the sh*ts too!


Now I do the one for one approach and have tried (with limited success) to leave it several hours before I respond. It has worked and our relationship is much less volatile.


X

You are what you consistently do
You are what you consistently do
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Sat, 06-05-2010 - 11:53pm

I'm glad you've found something that's helping you out, igs.


The thing is, I've asked AP about it when I feel I'm texting too much.

anotherseyes

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2007
Sun, 06-06-2010 - 5:43am

Hi Another


I think you have an attack of rampant squirrels

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-29-2010
Sun, 06-06-2010 - 11:16am

I also love Calpurnia's breakdown of "no point in calling"! So true, and humorous enough to put that smile on our faces, which scare away the squirrels!

I don't blame you at all for feeling the way you do Another. I think our "gut instincts" are usually right and if you think he was annoyed about something, you're probably right. Not sure what annoyed him either, but I guess, when he gets in touch, you could feel him out about it. And yes - don't send another text or e-mail until he does - the ball is in his court now. (((Hugs))) to get you through the squirrelly time!

Proud to be a





You've got a lot of choices. If getting out of bed in the morning is a chore and you're not smiling on a regular basis, try another choice. ~Steven D. Woodhull

Proud to be a





You've

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2010
Sun, 06-06-2010 - 11:33am

Hi another,


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2010
Sun, 06-06-2010 - 2:13pm

Thanks everyone:).


Yes, I think this is a case of squirrels gone crazy!

anotherseyes

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