Almost Caught

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2009
Almost Caught
8
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 7:20am
So AP and I were texting alot on Sunday and then the texting ending abruptly. I texted yesterday to see if everything was okay and he said that he was fine. His gf wanted to know who kept texting him and looked at his phone but he had the presence of mind to delete the messages before he left the room. What can I expect now? Should I expect him to back off a little bit?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-17-2007
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 8:14am
It's hard to say.. It depends on what kind of relationship they have. I would expect he is going to be more careful with the texting. And dont be surprised if he wants to communicate with you a different way, via websites, phone calls, etc.
Or he may just start cutting back on the communication altogether. In either case, you need to ask him where your A is going.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2009
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 9:04am

We were getting careless and I feel like it's my fault. We were texting and e-mailing back last year alot and then I decided that I needed to go NC because I couldn't handle it anymore and it was just getting too out of hand for me. Then 3 weeks ago he e-mailed me and I caved and e-mailed him back. My BF went out of town 2 weekends ago and so it was easier for us to meet up. I met AP up at his office and we sat there and talked for a half hour and then went to dinner. We were just catching up and it was just really great to see him after not seeing him for a while. We've been on and off for 12 years.


However seeing him really did something to me. Before I was happy with texting and e-mailing but now I want to see him

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2009
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 10:02am
If you have been off and on for 12 years then i assume that you would already know how your thing with him operates. If he goes LC/NC with you regularly then i would not worry in this case. He is not saying anything about it so just leave it and he will contact you again when he feels the need.
Maybe you wanted him to get caught this time- just a thought????
Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2009
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 11:13am

Yeah, maybe I did want him to get caught.


He's always telling me that he feels so smothered in his R and can't get any time to himself. They don't live together but he's paying all her bills and supporting her and her kids from a previous relationship. He's stressed with all that responsibility and with the fact that he has the girlfriend and her kids depending on him so much. That sounds horrible to me but they're just words and maybe he's making it sound worse than it really is so I'll feel sorry for him.


I would never leave my BF for him because I don't really trust him. I told him that and then he said that he's not leaving her anyway. Do you think he only said that because of what I said and he didn't want to look weak by saying that he'd leave her for me?


I know he'll contact me again and he'll probably want to know why we haven't been talking. I'm going to tell him it's because I felt like I was causing him more stress than he needed. He's stressed out enough without having to worry about me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-09-2009
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 11:23am

As i said before, 12 years is a he11 of a long time to invest your emotions into someone and maybe you are at a mindset where you want more or you want to cut it off completely. If you are having the A with him, why would you not trust him if he was to leave for you? Would he have the same issues of trust with you as you have a BF also? If this set up suits you and there is no suspicion of either of your DSs, do you feel that you can continue on much longer?

The issue of wanting to get caught to me, signifies that you are no longer satisfied with this deal so are you prepared to get caught and lose your BF or have his GF throw him out and then face having him available full time or on the other hand, maybe its time to let this A end?

Que Sera Sera - Whatever will be, will be.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2009
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 12:44pm

I've always wanted to be with him and only him. But it's never been the right time or place for us and so this on/off situation has been the premise of our relationship. I've asked him before why I'm not good enough for him to be with or what I've done or not done to make him not want to be with me. He says that none of that is the case we've just never been single at the same time.


I don't trust him because he's cheated on all of his girlfriends with me. How am I to know that he wouldn't cheat on me if we were together in a real relationship?


I've tried to end it several times. Each time I tell him never to contact me again and he'll comply but then after a while he'll e-mail me and I'll get tangled in his web all over again. I don't understand why he does this to me. Actually I do know, it's because I let him. But my new question that I don't know the answer to is why has he had nothing better to do for 12 years than to toruture me with a dream that will never be fulfilled?!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2009
Wed, 09-09-2009 - 9:53pm
You are lucky that you got many texts through before she got suspicious. If my husband's text ring went off several times within a short period of time I would be asking him too "who is texting you?"
I would not text AP unless he initiated it. Same goes for phone calls.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-21-2009
Thu, 09-10-2009 - 7:48am
Well we were texting for a good 2 hours back and forth before she got suspicious. I've been out of control with the texting ever since we hung out. I didn't text him at all last night. I'm trying to lay low so that he doesn't think I'm needy or crazy. We did e-mail yesterday and he didn't seem mad or irritated at all.