Also feeling better and more in control.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2010
Also feeling better and more in control.
11
Tue, 06-22-2010 - 10:06am

Hello boardies!

Just wanted to provide an update. In a 6 month A with a MM I worked with, really intense and passionate at first, then he got guilty and pulled back. My contract is over, he wants us to continue, but I have been spazzing and obsessing over when he is going to get in touch with me. He texted me on Thursday, a really nice and cute text, saying he wants to make plans to see me soon. Then I respond and don't get any response back from him. Cue obsessive thinking.

So after I posted about that, wondering why guys do that, I got a lot of responses. I have also been doing much thinking and talked to a friend about it and feel as though I am in a better place emotionally. When I started the A, it was all just about fun and filling a sexual need but then big surprise, feelings got involved, and my self-esteem got thrown off when he suddenly started pulling back. I became desperate.

But like I've said to other posters, this A is just ONE part of my life. Everything with my BF and my other life is my REAL life. I just have to accept how things are in my A if I want the A in my life. If I can't accept things, and find myself constantly unhappy, then I need to let go of my AP. I can't always read into why he doesn't respond, and I can't sit there obsessively thinking about him. I have to take some control back in this A and that starts with ME and my own mentality.

I also realized that when I am obsessing and wondering what's wrong, whether he likes me anymore, and in general just thinking negatively, more than likely he's not thinking anything similar. He's just going on with his life and I instead read everything into the silence. Which is ridiculous because the world doesn't unfold the way I assume it does, just because that's how i THINK, you know? These are just my thoughts, not the truth.

So I was feeling a lot better about things. Like he and I were both in this A together, neither having more power than the other (Because I am refusing now to let myself think that way). I wasn't expecting to hear anything from him until later this week when DO DOO (my text message sound), Monday morning!!! I was pretty surprised. Anyway, it was this really cute message from him, asking how I was, saying he just wanted to see how I was doing, saying that he missed me, and that he can probably get away from the DW next week. So I just sent back a casual and light message saying I missed him too and i could probably do that and to keep me posted. And I ended the message myself and did not expect to hear anything back from him. Kinda what I was saying about changing my thinking and giving myself back some of the power. I was tempted to ask questions in my text in the hopes of prolonging the conversation but really, why bother? And if he didn't respond, I would be upset and ruminate.

So anyway, I might text him a hello later this week, or I might not. Either way, I'm feeling better, more in control, and more optimistic about my future and our future. Let's hope this feeling lasts!




Edited 6/22/2010 10:18 am ET by lucyford99

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
Wed, 06-23-2010 - 11:09am

OMG, I could have written

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