Always so tumultuous?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2008
Always so tumultuous?
5
Tue, 09-23-2008 - 7:50pm

This is my first A.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-09-2008
Wed, 09-24-2008 - 12:22am

Hi and welcome to the board.

Is an A a rollercoaster? You betcha. It's the most intense, emotionally draining ride you'll ever take. The highs are incredible and can last for hours, days or weeks, then there are the lows which are very down. I have never been so high or low in my life, and in such short amounts of time, until I started my A early this year.

If you think your spouse suspects, then you are probably right. If his radar is up, then he is watching you and it's only a matter of time before you get caught. I am separated, but I know my H suspected nothing. However, I know he had at least one A before our M ended, even though I had no concrete proof. And I did a lot of snooping to try and find something. In the end, I found more than enough to convince me and I said nothing to him, just kept gathering evidence.

Pisces

pisces
pisces
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-22-2008
Wed, 09-24-2008 - 5:04pm

Deleted


iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2007
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 8:43am

Why not start the "exit process" without the pain and anguish of an A in the picture? If you can really say "I actually wish many times that he would find out, would catch me with my AP, just so I could begin the exit process", then you're ready to leave. Think through everything that would happen if that scenario came about. Maybe someone here that that has happened to can fill you in on the details. It's a horrible and ugly mess for everyone, and not something to wish for.

If you could leave after being "found out", then you can leave now.

ALL affairs, (well, OK 90%) have those awful highs and lows and roller coaster rides. Don't go looking for another A/P. It'll always start out "different" and then 90% of the time end up the same. And you won't be any happier than you are now.

Why not end it with your A/P, and then go about exiting from your marriage. Maybe just talking to a lawyer will make you feel better, show you that it is indeed possible to leave. Put that on your "to do" list - talk to a lawyer. It won't commit you to anything, but it'll be helpful to know the legal side of things, and what you might expect to happen. It would be worth whatever it costs!

Some would say that I fell from grace... but I didn't.

Proud to be a



You've got a lot of choices. I
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-04-2008
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 10:10am

My A has been a rollercoater ride for 2 1/2 years! I,too, have never felt so many ups and downs in my life. Do I regret any of it or regret meeting him or regret falling in love with him? NO WAY. Even the "lows" I do not regret because it allowed us to have many many heart to heart talks about our feelings and where we want to go and it allowed us to see that we are both on the same page about what we want.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-02-2000
Thu, 09-25-2008 - 11:26pm
One affair is something that happened. Anything more than that is a pattern. And, quite honestly, if you're already involved with one man and thinking about finding someone else, then it is time to start the "exit process" you referred to. It is just not fair to your husband otherwise. These affairs do happen, but when you're out shopping for a replacement, you shouldn't stay married.