Am I Alone?
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Am I Alone?
| Sat, 04-03-2004 - 8:50pm |
Why can't my H make me feel like a woman? I can't count the times I just needed my H to make me feel like a woman. For him to take the lead. For him to kiss me passionately. For him to hold my face ... to hold me. He is such a damn wimp. He just doesn't get it. For my 17 years of marriage, he just doesn't get it. I knew before I got married that he wasn't the one. But I was afraid the I wouldn't find anybody else and my H is safe. He would never leave me. Am I alone?
My H has problems with alcohol and pain killers. He is not strong emotionally. Am I alone?
My A has lasted 9 years. Without it, I would not remain married. With two daughters (15 and 11), I don't feel I should leave. But if I remain with my H, I feel like I must have the passion my A gives me. I feel alive with my MM. The passion. The kissing. Am I alone?
I am 40 years old. I can't imagine spending the rest of my life without passion. The only way is with an A. Am I alone?

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You are not alone. I started my own thread, but it got lost in the sea of activity here. I really want to be part of this discussion, if anyone has any input here.
I hope I found the right message board for me. Here's my story, I will try to be brief.
I was engaged 16 years ago to the man of my dreams. We could be called "soul mates" although I really don't like that term. After one year, we broke up. I wanted to get married right away, he wanted to wait until he was established in his new career. I wanted children, he did not.
After 2 years of being depressed, I met a man who was the opposite of my dream guy in many ways. This time, I let my head rule instead of my heart. My dream of getting married and having a family was possible with him. We got married, had two children within 3 years, and then had nothing to talk about, except the kids.
I have never gotten over my ex-fiance. Two years ago, I found him via the Internet and called him. We talked and talked for hours for one year, then we finally met again. He lives 500 miles away. He comes to visit every 2 months or so, and we have a wonderful time. He is happy that I am a mother, since I wanted that so bad, and he is good with kids, just did not want his own. He was married when we first talked, but has since divorced. He is well established in his career, in fact, he is pretty wealthy.
When we met, it was as if no time had passed at all. We both look the same, and could talk all night and agree on almost everything. I would get divorced, except my husband and I do get along okay and I don't want to hurt my kids. I am starting a new career this month, and plan to make my own money (I've been home for the past 10 years).
Am I crazy? Or does this make sense to you all?
Hi, Susie,
No, you're not crazy. I'm not married, so I'll let some of the others talk about what an EMA is like when you are still with your H, but I just have a couple of comments about your post:
1: If he didn't want any kids of his own, how would he feel about helping to raise yours?
2: Unless and until you're sure that you want to leave your H, for reasons that are really right for you, then I would suggest that you _not_ pursue your ex-fiance. The rollercoaster is really rough, and having that extra relationship makes it really difficult to think clearly, and to make good decisions for you _and_ your kids.
That said, we all understand the desire to be with someone who meets all of those soul-deep longings. We'll support you as you go through this, however you decide to handle the situation. The members on this board will offer hugs, advice, sympathy and jokes. Please let us know what we can do to help. I can't imagine how much more difficult my situation would have been if they hadn't been here for me.
Good luck and please keep us posted. You aren't crazy and you aren't alone.
Cazrida
I feel your pain. I too have told my husband how he should act.... and then that is exactly what he does, he acts. He does exactly what I said. Never anything more. Just exactly what I said. Like he was reading a book. I want to be kissed with passion. My H just can't be that person.
I never thought about my H wanting a mother in me. Ouch. I am afraid to think about that ..... but frankly, I have even corrected him in the past for talking like a baby. Oh my gosh, this may be getting me thinking in ways I don't need to think. Thank you for your help.... I just need to think about this.
I have read several messages and I have cried and cried. My OM gives me confidence. He is the "wind beneath my wings". My H and I have sex..... we never make love. We go thru the motions. I catch myself writing the words and the tears start flowing as I "see" my life on paper. WOW.
I understand the A being right. Mine is right for me. It is my confidence, passion and fun. Without it, I would lead a boring life. It is sad.
Thanks for the thoughts.
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